Picking Up the Trail
by flooj9235
Summary: I'm getting ready to settle down for the night, and I take a moment to pause and let the cool wasteland breeze blow through my hair. Part of me muses that if I'd stayed in Vault 101 with Amata months ago, I'd never have felt this again. SEQUEL TO TROUBLE ON THE HOMEFRONT. Femslash. LW/AA.
1. Chapter 1

**This is the SEQUEL to "Trouble on the Homefront".**

This has been a long time in the making. TheManApart first put the idea in my head after "Trouble on the Homefront" and it took root and this happened. If you happen to like this, go thank him for planting the seed. Also, my extreme gratitude goes to x-lonelygirl-x who went through and fixed all my mistakes.

Warnings: Femslash, angst, and fluffiness.

* * *

I'm getting ready to settle down for the night, and I take a moment to pause and let the cool wasteland breeze blow through my hair. Part of me relaxes instantly, relishing in the feeling. Another still-bitter part of me muses that if I'd stayed in Vault 101 with Amata months ago, I'd never have felt this again.

I hunt around for a little while and find a nice sheltered spot in a nearby cliff face. I make sure the hole goes deep enough that even a deathclaw couldn't reach in and yank me out, then I toss my bag into it and stretch one last time before crawling into my little cave. Nights in the wasteland aren't fun, but being out of sight gives me a pretty strong sense of security.

My stomach grumbles a little, and I sigh, settling in a little before grabbing my pack and rifling around in it for some food. I find some mutfruit and bite into it, pleasantly surprised when the fruit is crisp and sweet. Most of what I've found has been bruised or on either side of ripe, and I continue munching on my late-night snack as I relax after the day's events.

Images of today's travels are playing in my mind when I hear shouting from outside. My ears prick up and I crawl back toward the opening of my little hole, trying to hear what's going on. The breeze rustles some brush on the ground near me, making it almost impossible to hear, but when I peek out, I can make out the glowing green barrel of an Enclave soldier's plasma rifle being waved around the corner. The words and voices are indistinct, but a cry of terror reaches my ears and I scowl.

I scurry back to my bag and reach into it, pulling out an old scoped .44 magnum I'd bought off a scav. I grab a few extra rounds and head back to the open wasteland, stepping out of my hole and sneaking over toward the apparent confrontation.

"... all we need to know is the password to your Vault," one of the Enclave soldiers is saying as I position myself just out of sight behind a conveniently placed rock. The words make the hair on the back of my neck stand on end. I'm reminded of some information I came across in an Enclave terminal; it seemed the Enclave was raiding Vaults for their pre-war technology and doing whatever they could to make sure they got it. The self-proclaimed "righteous army of the wasteland" would even go so far as to slaughter entire Vault populations to get their hands on the technology.

I'm so caught up in my thoughts that I miss the response, but the sound of the soldiers' rifles being reloaded snaps me back to reality.

"Speak up," the other soldier snaps, "and tell us the password. Or else we'll get it by force."

"I said I don't know," a shaky, unmistakable voice answers. "Please, just let me go. I don't know anything!"

I feel frozen in place, unable to form any sort of physical or emotional response to the sound of Amata's voice.

"Don't let her escape," the first soldier growls. "I'm gonna radio to base and get orders."

I envision the soldiers killing Amata, then brutally cutting off her arm to get her Pipboy and returning to Vault 101 to get inside. The thoughts makes my stomach roil, and I have to fight my instincts and remain calm.

The heavy thudding of power armor boots come my way and I press myself further into the shadows, getting my gun ready. A moment later, the soldier comes into view and starts fiddling with something on his suit.

I lift my gun and aim for a chink in the armor around the soldier's neck, desperately trying to steady my shaking hands. I'll only have one shot to take him by surprise. After a moment of aiming and thanking the moon for providing some illumination, I squeeze the trigger.

The bullet tears through the air and, miraculously, sneaks into the weak spot in the armor, blasting the soldier's head off.

Three things happen in the next second: the other soldier curses in surprise, Amata screams, and I realize she may be killed in the commotion over the sudden report.

Thoughts for my own safety are thrown aside as I jump out of my hiding place and run at the surprised soldier. He pulls up his rifle and gets off a few rounds in my direction before I tackle him to the ground. We scuffle around for a few minutes, trying to get a point blank shot at each other, or at least trying for a stunning blow. I get a knee in my gut and gasp, and he takes the opportunity and scrambles on top of me, pinning me down and trying to use his rifle to strangle me.

Luck must be on my side, because I manage to get my gun jammed up against his armored neck and pull the trigger. He gives a strangled yelp and goes still, collapsing on top of me. I shove the corpse off of me and roll over onto my hands and knees, coughing and gasping for breath. I look up at Amata, who's sitting on the ground looking terrified and ashen, indescribably glad to see that she's still alive.

I sit back slowly, trying not to scare her, and offer her a weak smile. "Hey, 'Mata." Seeing that she's still looking afraid, I set my gun down and raise my empty hands. "It's okay, I'm not going to hurt you."

She says my name quietly, as if she can't quite grasp what's just happened.

I realize that she probably _can't_ wrap her mind around the scene she's witnessed, but I nod anyway, ignoring that for a moment as I try to coax her out of her fear.

After a few more moments of silence, she scrambles toward me and throws her arms around me, burying her face in the crook of my neck. I wrap an arm around her in a soothing embrace, rocking her gently and trying to hide my shock at how violently she's trembling.

Amata doesn't seem to be able to speak, so I inconspicuously reach for my gun and tuck it into my waistband, guiding her to her feet and leading her back toward the shelter I'd found. The smell of the corpses is liable to draw the attention of any animal nearby, and I'd rather not be out in the open when they arrive.

We climb into the little cave together, and once we're a safe distance inside, I pull a folded piece of padding out of my bag, unfurl it, and let Amata lay down. She does, but once she's curled up on her side, she reaches for my hand and holds onto me tightly.

"You're okay," I whisper, giving her hand a comforting squeeze as I sit across the narrow tunnel from her, trying to give her enough room in the tight space.

We're both quiet again, and soon I hear her crying quietly. I'm not sure what to do or say, so I just hold her hand. After a while, the sounds stop and her breathing evens out, a sure sign that she's asleep.

Once I'm sure she's completely unconscious, I gently pull my hand from hers, easing my Pipboy light on just enough to be able to see her without the glare waking her. She doesn't look like she's been out of the Vault long; her skin isn't grimy like most of the wastelanders', and her jumpsuit still looks mostly clean. I wonder what happened for a while, images of the Vault being attacked or sabotaged flooding my brain, but when her breathing catches, I focus my gaze back on her.

The few months that have passed since I've seen her have felt like a lifetime. For a long time after I left 101, I could hardly keep myself together. I'd abandoned my responsibilities to the Brotherhood for a while, spending my time either wandering aimlessly around Megaton and parts of DC or trying to beat Jericho in drinking games at Moriarty's, which usually ended in me puking my guts up. Eventually, Nova and Gob had pulled me aside, told me they were worried, and banned me from the saloon for a week. I'd taken the time to accept that Amata was out of my life for good, and that it would be easiest to feel the pain of it and move the next few weeks, I had slowly figured out how to block out most of the fondness I felt for Amata. It still hurt to think of her, and I was still angry over being ousted from the Vault. The feelings muddled together and I was left with a heavy resentment in my chest.

Lucy West had approached me, told me about her family, and asked me to deliver a letter to Arefu for her. I'd accepted, and was just now making my way back to Megaton. I'd had plans to go talk to the Brotherhood and see what needed to be done after I'd rested a bit from the trip. But now...

I frown in the darkness, thoroughly confused by the turn of events. I had thought I'd moved on, but seeing her again has shot everything I think I know for a fact to hell.

I turn the light of my Pipboy completely off and settle back against the rock wall, trying to sort through everything in my mind. After a lot of thinking and confusion, I slip off into a restless sleep, hoping that tomorrow will bring some clarity.


	2. Chapter 2

The morning brings no new revelations. I wake up before Amata and am left to sit there and watch as she sleeps restlessly, wondering how to handle this surprise.

I'm not angry with her, not specifically, but my feelings are still so muddled that I can't discern what I really feel.

Amata stirs soon after I stop feeling groggy, waking with a start and looking panicky until she sees me. I offer her a mostly forced smile, and she returns it as relief washes over her face.

A few moments of silence pass, and she rubs the sleep out of her eyes uncomfortably. Her gaze is trained on me, but I can't make myself return it.

"You're still alive," Amata says, almost in wonderment.

I shrug a little, playing with a loose thread on my pack absently. "Yeah. For now."

A pained look crosses over her face, but she doesn't try for a response. Instead, we're both silent, the air between us more than a little stifling.

Finally, my curiosity gets the better of me. "What are you doing out of the Vault?"

Amata looks away, biting her lip hesitantly and taking her time to formulate an answer. "There was another revolt," she says after a moment. "The fallout from our, uh, the kiss... it never really went away. Being one of 'those' hurt my authority and no one would really listen. Change wasn't happening fast enough for some of them, and they got a group together and charged the office. Freddie told me that he was taking over, and they told me to get out." She pauses to steady her voice. "I... they ended up forcing me out. Then they changed the password, so I can't get back in."

I'm appalled by what I've just heard, though a part of me isn't terribly surprised. I don't know what I really expected from my old peers; I'd forced thoughts of them out of my mind.

Realizing Amata's sitting in front of me, teetering on the edge of tears, I make a sympathetic noise, looking out of the tunnel and observing the brightness of the sun.

"Come on," I say after a moment's pause, shifting and grabbing my bag. "Let's go."

Amata looks up at me concernedly, a frown creasing her brow. "Go?"

I nod, motioning that she move off the mat and folding it up when she obliges. I shove it in my pack, my fingers brushing the barrel of a gun. I pause, then look at Amata. "Yeah, go," I answer belatedly, studying her for a moment.

I don't have much in the way of spare armor; it's a hassle to carry around. I know I can't venture off and have Amata completely vulnerable, though, so I pull out a spare gun and hand it to her.

Amata takes it gingerly, looking a bit alarmed.

"Remember how to shoot?" I ask, allowing a vision of years past to infiltrate my mind, when I'd taught Amata how to shoot my BB gun down in the dark reactor room. Fond feelings bubble up inside me, but I do my best to ignore them; I'm erring on the side of being frustrated with Amata so I won't get my heart broken all over again.

She nods, her eyes still fixed on my face and displaying confusion.

"Good." I take off my armor and hand it to her. "Put this on." As she fumbles with some of the clasps, I dig the spare set out of my bag that I've kept for repair purposes. I put it on as Amata finishes donning her set, and I gesture for her to follow me.

We crawl out of the tunnel and into the dawn, and I stretch my stiff muscles a little. Seeing her do the same, I'm struck by how strange she looks in armor. I've only ever really seen her in her Vault suit, even when we were kids, except for the time we'd slept together. As images of our only night together begin to form at the edges of my mind, I shake my head to clear it.

"C'mon," I say, checking my Pipboy compass and leading her away from our refuge.

"Where are we going?" she asks after a moment, her voice careful, as though she's trying not to offend me.

"Megaton, for now," I reply, glancing at her to see if she remembers the name from the stories I'd told her back in the Vault. She seems to, so I continue on. "It'll be a nice, safe place for you to stay. I'm sure there's a few places there that'd be glad to have someone like you around."

Amata looks like she wants to say more, but gives me an uncertain glance and goes quiet.

The dirt and gravel beneath our feet crunches softly, kicking up little dust clouds. The breeze makes quick work of them, providing just enough background noise to prevent our ears from ringing.

After a while, we stop and have a light breakfast and some water Gob had given me before I left. I'm ready to continue, but Amata catches my arm as I'm getting to my feet.

"Are you mad at me?"

I sit back down with a thump, cringing and refusing to meet her gaze; I can already feel the hurt and accusation in her eyes. I contemplate lying and saying that I'm just tired, but I know she'll see right through it. I look down at my hands and pick at a scab I find there absently. "I don't know," I mutter after a few moments.

Amata's quiet, and I know the answer hurts. "Why not?" she asks after a moment, her voice surprisingly calm.

"I don't know," I repeat, feeling somewhat attacked by the question. I haven't even sorted out my own thoughts, and she's expecting me to give her a detailed answer. "Come on, we need to get going if we want to make it there before dark." This time, she doesn't stop me as I get to my feet, mirroring my action silently.

I begin to walk off, stopping when I don't hear the crunch of her footsteps along with mine. I turn and see that she's still standing there, watching me uncertainly. "What's wrong? We need to get going."

She shakes her head slowly. "If you don't want me with you, you can tell me. I can understand why. At least, sort of."

"What, and leave you out here all alone?" I retort incredulously. "You'd be dead within a few hours!"

Amata cringes a little, but fingers the gun I gave her gently. "I can probably hold my own long enough to find somewhere to stay."

I deflate, realizing she's already hurting what with being thrown out of her home, a sanctuary she never expected to leave. It's not helping that I'm being cold and unforgiving; she needs a friend right now. I'm reminded of my first few days out of the Vault and force myself to be less hostile, even if it means fibbing a little to ease her mind.

"Look," I sigh, walking back toward her. "I'm really confused right now. I just got used to the idea that I'd never see you again, and here you are. I'm not really sure how react or anything. But I don't want you dead, Amata. I still want to make sure you're safe." Her shoulders relax as I speak. "Please come with me?"

She nods her acquiescence and follows my lead, looking much less tense than she has all day.

I reflect on my own words as we walk along, knowing that it's at least partly true. I still desperately want to be sure that she's safe, and I know she will be in Megaton. She'll probably have to stay in my house, but I'm not there constantly, so it shouldn't be much of an issue.

My plans to deliver the response to Lucy's letter and head over to the Citadel and join up with the Brotherhood again will have to be delayed a few days while I help her settle in, but it won't be that big of a deal. At least, that's what I try to convince myself. It strikes me as ironic that, months after she'd kicked me out of her home, I'm bringing her into mine. A now-familiar bubble of animosity grows in my chest as I glance over at Amata, and I restrain a sigh. _I need a drink._

The next few hours pass uneventfully, without much talking to break the silence. I steer us around places I know are home to super mutants, sticking near the dry riverbed. As we get closer to DC, the riverbed turns marshy, and we climb out onto the higher ground. Soon, we're walking along or near the water.

We've still got a few hours of travel left, but we're making relatively good time. If we keep up the pace, we'll get there before dark. The quiet of the wasteland is almost nerve-wracking, though, and I'm on edge; it's just **too** quiet.

Suddenly, Amata screams and I turn, swearing loudly at the sight of a few Mirelurks running at us, claws clicking.

"Shit, this is **not **what we needed right now!" I take aim and fire a few shots at the giant crabs, hitting one in the face. It stumbles and falls, causing the other Mirelurks to trip over it.

I grab Amata's arm and run, trying to put as much distance between us and the monsters as I can. An old shack catches my eye and I lead Amata toward it.

"Get in here," I pant as I yank the door open. "We'll wait them out."

Amata ducks inside obediently and I follow right behind her, pulling the door shut.

"Well, well, well," a new voice growls. "What do we have here?"

Amata clicks her Pipboy light on, illuminating the dark cabin. A trio of raiders are sneering at us, guns at the ready.

"You have got to be kidding me," I groan as they saunter closer.

"Oh, we ain't kiddin', ya little shit," their leader growls, getting up in my face.

I notice Amata getting forced into a corner by one of the raiders and I scowl. "You don't know who you're messing with," I growl back, putting as much venom into the words as I can. "I'm with the Brotherhood of Steel."

The raider leader cackles. "Ooh, tough little bitch, ain't ya?" He spits in my face. "No way you're with the bucketheads."

I know that if I can create a decent distraction, and hopefully do something to get the raiders away before they hurt either of us. Amata catches my eye and I see her hand slipping to the gun I'd given her. Something in the back of my mind is doubtful that she'll even fire it, and I can still hear her upset words at the realization that I'd had to shoot people echoing around in my brain from when I last saw her.

"Sure I am. Got my dog tags right here," I lie, turning slightly to reach into my pack. Before my hand even gets to my pack, I smash my elbow into the raider's nose, tackling him to the ground as he yowls in pain.

Gunfire explodes around me and I concentrate on beating the raider to unconsciousness. He struggles and manages to connect his fist with the side of my head, knocking me off balance. The room swims in front of me and I'm aware of him wriggling out from underneath me.

Adrenalin kicks in and I grab his leg, yanking him back toward me and grabbing my pistol at the same time. One point blank shot later, he goes still in front of me.

"This bitch is crazy! I'm gettin' outta here!" one of the raiders yelps and runs for the door. The other follows him and they escape the cabin.

"Door," I gasp out to Amata, still dizzy. "Hold the door." It occurs to me a second later that Amata may not have survived, but I hear her make a noise of agreement and move toward the door. A wave of relief passes over me, quickly replaced with blinding pain.

Outside, the scuttling sound of the Mirelurks mingles with the screams of the remaining raiders, and we both cringe until the screams go quiet. The Mirelurks are still making noise outside, so I know we're stuck in here for a while.

My head is pounding and I crawl toward a wall, leaning back against it heavily. I rest my face in my hands, taking a few slow breaths to try and soothe myself.

Amata sits beside me, staring at the body of the raider I killed.

"Are you okay?" I ask after a few moments of quiet, trying to distract her from the body and me from my splitting headache.

She inhales shakily before even attempting to respond. "I think so." Her voice is soft. "I shot him... I actually shot someone."

"Congratulations," I mutter, fumbling for my bag. I'd dropped it in the scuffle and I have a feeling that a stimpak will help my head quit hurting.

Amata turns to me and I can sense a sharp response coming, but it turns into a concerned little murmur. "Are you okay?"

My fingers won't work the clasp and I swear, tossing the bag aside and screwing my eyes shut. I know it was probably the least mature reaction I could have, but I'm in pain and don't care. After a moment, I exhale slowly. "Can you get that open for me?"

Amata quietly grabs the bag and undoes the clasp, handing it back to me when it's open.

I grunt my thanks and paw through the bag, fishing out a stimpak and injecting it into my arm. I toss the used syringe away and lean back against the wall and wait for my headache to disappear.

"Are you alright?" she asks again, taking my hand gently as if to remind herself that I'm still alive in front of her.

I pull my hand from hers and nod curtly, ignoring the hurt look I know she's giving me. I know she just wants to comfort me, but right now it feels like pity and I don't want that from her. "Gimme a few minutes and I'll be fine."

After a few long moments that could have been an entire hour, the throbbing in my head eases to a dull ache and I feel much less dizzy. I open my eyes and find Amata staring at the dead man on the floor. Her eyes are sort of unfocused, and I hazard a guess she's thinking about the person she shot. A glance around the shack reveals that her shot hadn't been fatal, so I'm not sure I see the point in her being so shaken.

"You didn't kill him," I offer quietly, startling her out of her thoughts.

"I could have." She sounds sick. "You were right. It sucks up here."

I'm not sure how to respond to that, so I get to my feet slowly, leaning against the wall for support. When I'm sure the dizziness is gone, I walk over to the door and listen carefully. The Mirelurks have apparently gotten bored and left, because there's no sound from outside.

I turn to Amata, who's buried her face in her hands and sigh. "Amata, it's okay. Shooting someone doesn't make you a bad person." I roll my eyes when she scoffs and interrupt her before she can protest. "If nothing else, you kept a bad guy from doing bad stuff for a while. These guys, they're raiders. They steal from people, torture people for fun, and kill people on a daily basis. They're sick. If you put one of them down for a few days, you're going to be applauded."

She's quiet as she mulls over what I've just said. "Then why do I feel like crap?"

I kneel in front of her, offering her a little smile. No matter what I'm feeling about her, her innocence and kindness is still touching. "Because you're human."

Amata seems to accept the answer and allows me to help her to her feet. I lean over to grab my bag, standing up a little too quickly and making my head spin. The aching intensifies for a second and I shake it off, making a mental note to go see Doc Church whenever we make it back to Megaton.

"Are you **sure** you're okay?" Amata asks, apparently having noticed my pause.

I nod gingerly. "Just a headache. I'll be fine."

She looks less than convinced, but seems to just accept my answer.

We leave the little shack, propping the door open so the shack will air out and the dead raider won't completely stink it up, and continue on our path to Megaton.


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks for sticking with me this far-hopefully I continue (or at least being) to please!

* * *

After our encounters with the mirelurks and raiders, our steps are slower and more cautious. My headache hasn't helped matters at all, and we're moving much slower than I'd anticipated. By the time we arrive at the front gates, it's well past sunset.

Deputy Weld gives us his usual greeting as the gates open to let us in. Amata seems unsure of what to make of the robot, but is apparently too worn out to care much. She's still not used to traveling, and her stamina is nowhere near that of the average wastelander. I'm actually surprised she made it the whole way, but I don't spend too much time thinking on it; my headache is coming back and I'm desperate for a drink.

"This way," I tell Amata, guiding her up the steep hill toward my little shack. She follows, stumbling a little on the uneven steps.

I unlock the door to my house and usher her inside, locking the door behind us out of habit.

Wadsworth comes down the stairs and offers me a cheerful greeting.

"Hey, Wadsworth, this is Amata. She's going to be living here for a while, too," I inform the robot, dropping my bag in a corner unceremoniously.

"Certainly, madam!" The robot turns to my companion. "Hel-lo, miss! I'm Wadsworth, and will be at your service."

Amata gives Wadsworth an uneasy glance, probably remembering the destructive Mr. Handy in the Vault, but greets him before turning to me. "This is your house?"

I start unclasping my armor, examining the pieces for damage as I store them in a locker across the room. "Yeah. The sheriff gave it to me after I disarmed the bomb down in the middle of town."

Amata pales a little. "Bomb?"

"You'll see it tomorrow, I'm sure. It's kind of hard to miss." I notice a crack along the breastplate of my armor and swear softly, setting it aside and making a mental note to talk to Moira about it at some point. Once I'm down to my undershirt and underwear, I turn around to face Amata and find her gazing at me. Part of me is embarrassed and wants some clothes, but I'd rather cool off a little before putting anything else on.

I notice that she's still wearing her armor a moment later, and I quirk a brow at her. "You know you can take that stuff off now, right?"

She blushes and looks away, nodding and fumbling with the clasps. "Yeah, right. I... right."

I turn and head for the refrigerator, giving her some privacy as I yank the little door open. "Want anything to drink?" I grab a bottle of scotch for myself, waiting for her answer. She doesn't respond right away, so I pick up a Nuka Cola and close the fridge.

She's struggling with the clasp of her chest armor, looking more than a little frustrated. "It's stuck," Amata mutters, shooting me a pleading glance and silently asking for help.

I set the bottles down on my bookshelf and go over to help her. She turns a little to give me access to the clasp, which I see has jammed; the leather strap has gotten twisted and stuck somehow.

I get to work straightening and fixing the clasp, only aware of how close I am to her when my knuckles accidentally brush against her neck. She shudders slightly and I freeze, forcing myself to breathe normally. A few quick tugs later and the armor falls into my waiting hands.

"There ya go," I say, stepping away and depositing her armor near my own. When I face her again, her eyes are darker and hopeful. My gut constricts and I look away, padding over to the bookshelf. I uncork the bottle of scotch with my teeth, holding the Nuka Cola out to Amata with my free hand.

My mind is whirling with a mixture of want and resentment. Part of me knows what Amata's thinking and wants to have my way with her right now. The rest of me knows that I'm in no position to sleep with her, what with my muddled feelings, and that I'll end up regretting it in the morning.

"Want some clothes?" I choke out, silently cursing myself for my lack of a steady voice. "Your jumpsuit's in my bag, or I have some Pre-war stuff upstairs."

"Oh." Amata's voice is laced with surprise and disappointment. "Um, I guess." She takes the Nuka Cola from me and pops the cap off, glancing around for a trash can.

"Keep it," I advise her immediately. "That's money out here."

Understanding flashes across her face and she closes her fist around the cap. "Oh."

"Jumpsuit or what?" I ask to remind her of my question, taking a swig of the scotch and welcoming the burn that races down my throat.

"That's fine." She watches as I take another healthy swallow of the alcohol, her brow furrowing a little as I walk past her and fish her Vault suit out of my bag.

I hand it to her and go upstairs to get some clothes of my own. I've long since gotten rid of my Vault suit; I couldn't even stand to wear one when I went back to the Vault to help Amata out. Besides that, whenever I wore one out in the wastes, the people I saw would treat me less than respectfully, which didn't help at all in finding my dad.

I shrug on a pre-war shirt and step into some pants, letting out a heavy sigh and wondering what I'm going to do. I spend a few extra moments in the room to give Amata privacy before heading back downstairs, passing Wadsworth on the stairs and nearly tripping over one of his arms.

When I step back onto the bottom floor, Amata's dressed and examining my old, broken BB gun that I've mounted on a wall. She hears me and turns, eyeing the bottle of scotch that's still in my hand.

"So... you drink now?" she asks, wrinkling her nose slightly as she tries to make conversation.

I nod. Rather than meet her gaze, I go over and start straightening things on the shelves.

"Since when?" Her tone is confused, and I'm not surprised. Back in the Vault, before everything, I'd always scoffed at the resident drunks and swore I'd never let myself turn out like them.

I hesitate, knowing the reaction she'll have to the truth. "You probably don't want to hear the answer to that."

She goes quiet for a moment, and when I glance at her, I see the beginning of understanding in her eyes. "Why?" she finally asks, trying not to sound like the knowledge has stung.

I'm not big on sharing my weak moments, but my headache is coming back and talking about this is putting me on edge. "I was hurting. Everything had gone to hell! I didn't know how else to deal with it." My voice catches a little. "First Dad, then you... I didn't want to go on. I just started and haven't stopped. It makes things easier."

"Easier, huh?" A trace of irritation is in Amata's voice. "How?"

I shrug, moving a few cans of beans to a different shelf. "I can forget, at least for a little while. And forgetting is damn easier than going on living and remembering that my dad's dead and the girl I was so in love with didn't even try to fight for me." The barb slips out without my meaning it to, but it brings a sort of relief with it. It's nice to let out some of what's been eating away at me for months.

"I told you, I couldn't do anything!" Amata snaps. "The entire Vault was at stake, and I had to do something to save everyone!" She inhales slowly, like she's trying to keep herself as calm as she can. "I knew you could take care of yourself."

"'Take care of myself?' I guess you don't know how bad you hurt me, then, 'cause I was completely broken after you threw me out." I grab a shelf to steady myself, trying not to let too much bitterness show. "I was walking around like a zombie, and I ended up in the bar. A few drinks took the edge off and I felt a little better. It's just easier than _feeling _sometimes."

Amata's angry now. "You have to drink all your problems away, is that it? I shot someone for the first time today and I'm doing alright, and I'm **sober**!"

"It doesn't work that way," I retort, my voice a growl. "You haven't seen what I've seen."

"So? You haven't been through what I've been through, either, you know!"

Before I realize it, my hands have curled around a plate and I've thrown it to the ground. It shatters with an explosive crash, the noise stunning Amata into silence. I turn around and glare at her. "What is your problem? Things went to hell, and I didn't know how to deal with it! Just because it's not your idea of me doesn't mean I can't do it! I'm not who you think I am, Amata! I've changed!"

My hands are shaking and my heart is pounding. The ache in my head is worse again and I can tell my gaze is wounding, because Amata looks frozen in shock.

I growl at nothing in particular, dropping to my knees to start picking up the pieces of the broken plate. The shards of ceramic are sharp and I very nearly cut my thumb open before Amata speaks again.

"Well, it's not like you've made it very easy to talk to you all day." Her words are cold.

I swear under my breath and curl my thumb inside a fist; even if the skin didn't break, it still hurts.

"I asked if you were mad, and you said no, but you were obviously lying," she reasons, looking slightly uncomfortable but masking it with her anger. "You could have just left me there! You didn't have to intervene!"

I get to my feet and shoot her a withering look. "I may be mad at you, but I don't want you dead."

"So you **are** mad!" she crows, triumphantly throwing her hands in the air.

A frustrated groan escapes me. "Fine, yes, I'm mad! I'm furious, actually! I risked everything to come and help you, and you didn't risk shit for me! And on top of that, you didn't have the guts to actually make me leave, so I had to be the grown up and walk away when all I wanted to do was be with you. So excuse me if I'm a little upset!"

"I didn't-"

I hold up a hand to silence her. "No, y'know what? Just stop it." I head for the door, my blood boiling.

"Where are you going?" she asks stiffly.

"Out." I keep my response short, knowing anything else will only set us off again, and I'd rather not have Sheriff Simms get on my case for the noise. I try to open the door and fail, having forgotten that I'd locked it. I scowl at the handle, unlock it, and open the door, stepping outside. Despite my desire to slam it, I close it gently and let out a shaky sigh.

There's stars twinkling overhead, and I gaze up at them for a few moments, letting the cool night air soothe me a little.

My feet lead me along the metal walkways to Moriarty's saloon, and I grumble a little before I step inside. The smell of alcohol and stale smoke washes over me as the door closes, and I see Gob look up.

A smile (or what's as close as he can manage) appears on the ghoul's face and he waves. I return the gesture, going to sit at a bar stool.

"Hey there, smoothskin, what's up?"

I snort. "Too much, lately. Got anything good?"

Gob gives me a knowing look. "Only if you take it easy." He goes and pours a shot and hands it over to me. "Moriarty's been nasty lately; I'm glad you're back. It's good to see a friendly face."

I offer him a forced smile and an agreeing grunt as a response, downing the shot and coughing a little.

Gob wordlessly pours me another and moves away to help someone else and give me a little space.

I swirl the alcohol in my glass and sigh, trying to sort out my thoughts. Even the short walk over to the saloon has helped me calm down, and I'm no longer angry to the point of throwing things. A large part of me is relieved to have finally let out the bitterness I've been bottling up, and I'm glad Amata knows how much anger and pain she brought me. The more logical part of me is reminding me that she's probably been through a lot of pain in the past few months, too, but I'm aiming to silence that voice with alcohol. I'd rather not start feeling apologetic just yet.

Nova wanders over a few minutes later, and Gob joins us when I ask for another drink. After a bit of gentle prodding, I spill the whole story about Amata and finding her in the wastes. I tell them everything, right up to the moment I walked into the saloon, only slightly upset that Gob's already cut me off despite knowing he's done it for my own good.

"Oh, honey," Nova soothes, rubbing my shoulder comfortingly. "It'll be okay. She'll realize what happened and come apologizing. You'll see! She'd be stupid not to; you're a good kid."

I sniffle a little, shrugging. "Doesn't matter. I'm leaving in the morning."

"So soon?" My friends sound confused and concerned.

I start digging around in my pocket for some caps to cover the bill while I nod. "I've waited around long enough; the Brotherhood needs me if we have any hope of finishing what my dad started."

Gob tries to wave away my payment, but I force him to take it. The floor seems a little unsteady as I get to my feet and pretend I'm not half-drunk.

"If she comes in here, keep her away from Colin, okay?" I'm half-begging the duo, and I don't care. If Amata ends up getting roped into being Colin's newest whore, I'll kill him with my bare hands. Despite having the town under his thumb, he's hated enough that I'm sure I'd be applauded.

Nova nods understandingly, grabbing my hand and giving it a squeeze. "Be careful, sweetie."

"Yeah, bring yourself back here in one piece," Gob adds, polishing a glass absently. "We enjoy your company. It's not often someone treats us like regular people." He and Nova exchange a nod. "You're a good kid, almost like family."

I'm touched, and I can't help but feel a little emotional at his words. Rather than admit that it's because of the alcohol in me, I lift my hand in a wave and move toward the door, trying to escape the tears I know will come if I stay any longer.

The door shuts behind me and I draw a deep breath to sooth my whirling emotions. My vision spins a little, and it reminds me that I still need to go see the doctor, because my headache hasn't gone away yet. I don't particularly want to go to sleep without knowing if I'll wake up.

The night air seems even colder than before and I shiver as I grip the handrail along the walkway, stumbling down the hill toward the doctor's shack. By the time I reach it, I've almost completely forgotten what time it is. I bang on the door, laughing a little and calling Doc Church.

"Get outta bed, sleepyhead," I chide through the door, pleased with my rhyme.

Doc Church flings the door open, scowling at me. "You'd better have cancer if you're getting me up this late. I'll break my oath if you don't."

I chuckle at that and step in, vaguely aware of him reacting to the smell of alcohol on me. I go and sit on the cot he directs me to, swinging my feet a little before realizing how dizzy the action makes me.

"What's the problem?" he asks with a sigh, looking me over.

Church manages to drag an answer out of me, and purses his lips when I finish telling me what happened. He gets up with a grunt and goes over to his desk, grabbing a book of matches. He lights one and brings it over to me, holding it up and studying my eyes.

His thoughtful "hmm" sobers me up a little bit and I follow his directions. We test my reflexes and he finally sits down on his chair.

"I don't know how you manage to get yourself into these scrapes," Doc Church sighs, taking off his glasses and cleaning them on his shirt. "You're fine, but you're one lucky kid."

Worry I didn't know I was nursing eases and I smile. "Thanks, Doc."

"Yeah, yeah, just lay off the booze, will you?" He waves at the air between us, then gets to his feet and moves toward his desk. I slide off the cot and follow him on unsteady feet, my hand going to my pocket to pay him. With the stress off my mind, I feel my drunkeness coming back.

He decides on the amount, and I pay him and take my leave of the shack. My eyes go up to my house, perched high on the edge of the crater. I know Amata's inside, and I'm struck with fresh aggravation and a whole menagerie of upset emotions.

It takes me a minute to realize I'm crying, and I'm not even sure why. I just start walking, letting my feet lead me where they want to. I end up back in the saloon, only half-aware that it's nearly closing time.

Nova and Gob are where I've left them, but when they see me enter, Nova hurries over.

"What's wrong, hon?"

I shrug pitifully, knowing I wouldn't be so emotional if I was sober. "Can't go home. She's there."

Nova's got an arm wrapped around my shoulders. She turns and tell Gob something, leading me toward the stairs in the corner. "I know," she soothes, "I know."

"I don't know why it hurts," I confide in the redheaded woman drunkenly, stumbling a little.

There's no light on in the second floor of the saloon, and I trust Nova not to let me fall over anything. The last thing I'm aware of is Nova closing a bedroom door behind us and the feel of her lips against mine.


	4. Chapter 4

In the morning, I wake up and find Nova there with some water. She assures me that nothing will change and that it was "on the house", and I just nod because I can't remember _why_ she's saying what she is. A few flashes come back to me as she leaves the room and I'm not sure how to feel about the memory piecing itself together in my head.

Part of me feels like I've betrayed Amata, but the rest of me scoffs at the thought; there's nothing between me and Amata to ruin. Even so, I cringe and realize that I'd prefer to keep last night's events secret. The last thing I need is for word to get around town and to Amata; I don't want to have the town's gossip get out of hand and really hurt her.

After getting Nova to swear to secrecy, I take my leave of the saloon, hoping word doesn't spread around too quickly. As I exit the saloon, I glance around the city and notice Jenny Stahl's restaurant is opening up. My stomach growls and I make my way down toward the craterside cafe.

"Good morning," Jenny calls as I come near, waving as she wipes the counter. "Need something to eat?"

"Please," I answer, my voice still a little scratchy with sleep.

Jenny fetches the daily special, setting it down in front of me and accepting the caps I give her for the food. "So what's new, 101?"

I roll my eyes at the nickname and try to think of a neutral topic to talk about. "Not a whole lot. Gonna go talk to the Brotherhood and see if they're hiring," I joke.

Jenny grins. "They'd be stupid not to take you." She leans against the counter and sighs, looking up at the birds circling in the sky. "I wish people scrambled to join up here as much as they do over at the Brotherhood. It'd sure be nice to have some help."

I pause mid-bite, my brain kicking into gear. Amata won't be able to sustain herself for long, even if I leave her half my stash of caps. "Actually," I say, giving the woman a smile. "I may be able to help you with that. An old, uh, friend of mine's new in town and could use the work."

Jenny seems surprised but shrugs. "That fell right into my lap. But hey, I'll take it. Send 'em over today and I'll see what we can set up."

I thank her and finish my meal, hesitating before heading up the ramp toward my house. I pass by Lucy's shack and remember that I'm supposed to tell her how her family's faring, grateful for the reprieve.

Now that I've eaten and am sobered up, all the anger from last night comes rushing back, and I'm bristling at the mere thought of the girl I grew up loving. Any extra time I can have before heading into my house and facing Amata again is a godsend.

I knock on Lucy's door and spend a good half hour there, talking to her about the trip and reporting back on her family. After delivering my news, I try to drag out the conversation a little longer, but Lucy and I have never really had any common ground, so I let it go and let myself out.

Nothing is stopping me from going home now, and I let out a disgruntled sigh before walking across the walkway toward my house. My ire is still there, and I pause for a few moments before sliding my key into the lock and opening the door.

I step inside and find Amata thumbing through a book I'd left lying around. She glances up at my entry, stiffening when she sees me.

"I set up a job for you," I tell her. "Go talk to Jenny down at the Brass Lantern sometime today. She knows you're coming."

Amata nods once, returning to her book pointedly, as though she can't really be bothered with what I have to say.

I roll my eyes and head for the locker where my armor is. I begin gathering the ammo and other supplies I'll need for the short trip to the Citadel, saving donning my armor for last.

"You're leaving?"

I nod without turning around. "Dad knew how to get Project Purity working. It's up to me to help." I put the supplies into my bag, beginning to put on my armor. We're both quiet, and I'm clasping the last few straps when she speaks again.

"I'm sorry."

I pause, wondering what exactly she's apologizing for.

Amata sighs, and I hear her close the book and set it aside. "Look, I don't want to fight with you right before you leave and go do who knows what."

"Is that so."

"Yes, that's so," she snaps, letting out a frustrated huff. There's a moment's pause before she speaks again. "Can we just stop this? Can we **stop** fighting?" Her voice is thick and wobbles slightly, a sure sign that she's near tears. "I know you're hurting. I am so sorry for that. I can't change what happened. And it may be hard for you to understand, but I'm hurting, too."

I swallow, not really wanting to turn around and see her tears. She deserves to hurt some, and if I see her crying, I'm scared of how I'll react. It's far too easy to imagine myself sweeping her up into an embrace. As much as I've tried to suppress it, a small part of me is still clinging to the idea that Amata and I could still have something together. The rest of me is almost in physical pain at her presence.

"Sometimes I wish I'd never gone back to 101," I tell her darkly. "You could have worked it out and we wouldn't have gotten together just so everything would get so screwed up." I can feel how much the remark stings by the silence in the air.

A few tense moments pass and Amata lets out a shaky breath.

"You were right. You have changed. I don't even know you anymore."

The disgust in her voice cuts deep, deeper than I thought it would. She grabs my arm and turns me around, her eyes boring into mine. Amata studies me for a moment, tears shining in her eyes. Finally she shakes her head and releases me. "I don't know what happened to make you so different. You're not the person I fell in love with." Her face softens slightly and an almost trusting look appears in her eyes. "But I know you're still in there; you have to be. You're practically giving me your house."

She seems to want to say more, but apparently can't find the words and trails off into silence.

The emotions in Amata's eyes and voice have stunned me into silence. I swallow a few times, trying to figure out how to respond.

"You're not even going to try to defend yourself?" Amata asks a few moments later, her voice bitter.

"Defend myself?" I repeat incredulously. The mere notion sets off a volcano of anger in my chest. "Why should I? You broke me! You're the reason everything's gone to hell! And yet, here I am, giving you everything I have." I throw my hands up irritatedly. "I could have left you out there with the Enclave, you know. Maybe I should have. They'd have gotten you off my back." My voice goes so dark it even scares me a little.

Amata pales, looking extremely shaken. "Why didn't you, then?"

"I don't know." Not knowing only makes me more upset. I grind my teeth together and growl inwardly.

"Do you really wish they'd killed me?" Amata's voice is soft and trembles as the words pass through her lips. "Do you hate me that much?"

I nearly snap an answer out, but the words stick in my throat. I can't make myself agree with her question, so I just turn away sharply. I ignore her hurt intake of breath and grab my bag, slinging it onto my shoulder. As an irritated afterthought, I pull a few handfuls of caps out and set them on the workbench. It should be enough for Amata to get by before she gets paid.

"I'm leaving now," I growl. "I don't know when I'll be back, or if I'll survive. At least you'll get your guarantee that we'll 'stop fighting' that way." The last sentence falls out of my mouth without me even thinking about it, but I sort of like the stinging anger it leaves.

I move to the door and rest my hand on the doorknob, hesitating there. Amata lets out a shuddering breath, and I can't help but glance back. There are tears slipping down her cheeks and she looks like she's barely holding herself together.

Knowing that I did that to her makes me even angrier, and I yank the door open violently.

I step outside of the house, and just before I pull the door closed, I shoot her a glare. "Hurts being abandoned, doesn't it?"

Amata cringes and I all but slam the door.

I want to scream just to let out some of the frustration I have, but I know that Amata will hear me, and I don't want to cause a scene. Instead of yelling, I just start jogging to the city gate. Once I'm outside the walls, I break into an all-out sprint in the direction of the Citadel.

I make it about half a mile before I have to stop and gasp for breath. My lungs and legs are on fire, but the tension in my chest has eased a little. Thanks to the exertion, I'm calmer, and I spend a few minutes massaging a stitch in my side before continuing to my destination at a much calmer pace.

The Citadel comes into view a few hours later, the big crane inside looming overhead as I near. I'm pleased with my time; it's not even noon yet, which means I have the whole day still to get back into the swing of things.

The gate guard greets me with a slightly less condescending expression than usual, waving me into the Citadel. I thank him with a smile, marveling at the architecture and wondering about the pre-war use of the Citadel as I walk to the courtyard.

I open the door and step inside,nearly run over by a few trainees running laps the second I'm inside.

"Watch where yer goin'!" their trainer calls out, walking over to me. He's a bear of a man, and his power armor doesn't make him look any less fearsome. "Sorry about that," he says with a brusque grin. "These Initiates don't know anything."

I return the smile and shake the hand he extends to me. "No problem. I've had worse than getting my toes stepped on by a bunch of kids, anyway."

The man laughs, then takes a look at me and sobers. "You're James' kid, aren't you? The one who helped save Dr. Li and her crew." He rubs the back of his neck uncomfortably. "He was a good man. I'm sorry."

I nod, trying not to think too much about my dad. After the uncomfortable morning with Amata, my emotions are already raw, and the last thing I need is to get teary in front of the entire Brotherhood.

"Elder Lyons has been waiting for you to come back. The entire team's wanting to pick your brain for intel on Project Purity." He seems to already have a healthy amount of respect for me, despite my status as a common wastelander. "He's probably down in the lab, over there," he adds as he points to a door.

"Thanks," I say, trailing off in hopes he'll share his name. It'll be nice to know a few people around here since it seems like they're a part of the project now.

"Gunny," he supplies, turning to look back at his group of Initiates. "Drop and give me twenty!"

I take my leave of Paladin Gunny, feeling a little sorry for the recruits he's putting through the wringer. I head down to the lab, amazed by all the pre-war tech they've got stored.

When I arrive on the lab's main floor, my eyes immediately go to Dr. Li, who's talking with an older man. I head over to them, figuring she can point me in the right direction.

The man she's talking to sees me first and his eyes twinkle with a smile. Dr. Li turns to follow his gaze and looks stunned to see me. She stammers her way through an introduction, and I find myself shaking hands with Elder Lyons.

"I can see the resemblance," he says, studying me. After a moment, he continues, "We're all very sorry for the loss of your father; he was a noble man."

I just accept his words with a nod and a grateful smile. "I'm sorry it took me so long to get back to help. I had some... personal problems come up."

Elder Lyons nods understandingly. "No one faults you for it. The loss of a parent is devastating enough. Besides, the Enclave is at a standstill, as are we, with Project Purity. Perhaps it was best that you took some time for yourself."

Bitterness with Amata rises in my chest and I nod politely. If I hadn't taken the time to check on Vault 101, maybe I'd have saved myself a lot of hurt.

"We've figured it out," Dr. Li interjects, all business as usual. "Well, James did, really. We need a G.E.C.K."

The word sounds familiar, and I vaguely remember a lesson in Mr. Brotch's class from my youth. "Is that something Vault-Tec built?"

Both the adults nod. "It was created to make the wasteland liveable after the bombs fell," Dr. Li says. "We just had no way to get our hands on one."

A little voice in the back of my head wonders if the reason Dad took me to 101 was to check for a G.E.C.K. and steal it if they had one. The thought puts a sour taste in my mouth. "But now you do?"

Dr. Li bites her lip and glances to Elder Lyons.

"Our archives show that there is a G.E.C.K. in Vault 87," the old man says. "We would have gone to get it but I'm sure you understand that sending a squad of our soldiers would have attracted unwanted attention?"

I agree, having a bad feeling that I know where this conversation is going.

"Given the proper training and your intimate knowledge of Vault-Tec's Vaults, we had hoped you would take on the job for us."

_There it is, _I think wryly. I don't really have much choice in the matter; it'd be a slap in the face to walk out on them now, and my dad's dream would die. No matter what, I can't find it in myself to tarnish his memory like that, so I let out a sigh. "All right, fine. I'm in."

Elder Lyons beams at me. "Wonderful! We'll start immediately." He continues talking to me about the plans for the next few weeks, then directs me to the barracks and where to find my trainer.

I drop my stuff off in a locker in the barracks, then head up to the Bailey, searching out Paladin Gunny.

He gives me a look as I approach, tossing me a grin. "Couldn't you find him? It's a little confusing down there, I know."

I shake my head, holding up my empty hands. "Nah, I found him. I'm here to train. Elder Lyons said something about a 'fast track' regimen?"

Gunny smirks. "Did he now? Well, let's get started."


	5. Chapter 5

Paladin Gunny puts me through the wringer for the next few days, working me to exhaustion and then some. I can't remember ever feeling so weak; I can barely lift my arms, much less get out of bed. It takes everything in me to keep going, and I catch myself using my anger with Amata as fuel to keep me going. Even with that anger pushing me, I'm still run ragged and my emotions seem to get more intense.

It upsets me that I can't even turn to alcohol to help soothe my emotions; there seems to be a strict "no drinking while in training" policy here at the Citadel. I can't help but wonder how they stay sane, and the forced sobriety makes my temper get even shorter.

It frustrates me that I seem to be the only one that's struggling with keeping calm, while everyone else seems content and level headed. The frustration gets added to my anger reserves, and I try to work it out by training harder. It doesn't seem to help much, and I convince myself that it'll just take some time.

"Push ups!" Paladin Gunny orders a few weeks into my training, just after I've run a few laps around the Bailey. "Don't stop until I say so."

I suppress a groan, obediently dropping to the ground and beginning to do some push ups.

Gunny walks around me, critiquing my form and counting aloud. "You know, you're different than the other Initiates I've trained. You're angry."

_You got that right,_ I grouse mentally, my arms shaking with the pace he's got me on.

"Up," he orders, instructing me to do star jumps. "Anger is a good short-term outlet. It lets you get through something tough."

I'm feeling a surge of pride, despite the pain in my lungs from all the exercise. At least I'm ahead of the game.

"But!" Gunny's voice stops all the good feelings in my chest. "It's a weakness and it'll bite you in the ass. You'll be so busy bein' angry that you'll miss a mark and get your head blown off. You wanna be a good soldier, you're going to let go of that. Do you understand me?"

I don't want to believe him, but the truth in his words and the sheer amount of work I've been put through lately come together and I nearly start crying for no apparent reason. I get one final jump out before my muscles give out and I collapse to the ground.

Gunny doesn't yell at me, just crouches beside me and gives me a steely gaze. "I don't know what your problem is, and I don't care. Just get over it. You're a tough kid, and it'd be a real shame to lose you."

I turn my head away to hide the tears in my eyes, hating that I'm still gasping for breath; it makes me sound like I'm crying.

Gunny drops a hand on my shoulder. "It's all right to not be okay," he murmurs. "We're done for today. Just take some time to relax."

I stay on the ground as I listen to him walk away, catching my breath and pretending that tears aren't slipping down my cheeks. I'm too exhausted to stop them, and Gunny's words echo through my head, making me not care who sees.

Eventually, I drag myself to my feet and head for the showers. As usual, the water's cold, despite the slight burn the radiation provides, and it numbs me. I change into some wastelander clothes and head back out to the Bailey.

Soldiers are milling around training, talking, or laughing together. I still feel numb, and haven't gotten acquainted with most of the people I see. I turn my brain off and let my feet lead me toward the stairs to a catwalk.

I wind up sitting along the walkway on top of the Citadel wall, staring out at the skeletons of old buildings and, far off behind them, the wasteland. There's a chilly breeze, but I pay it no mind. It's a weird feeling, being numb and overwhelmed by emotions all at the same time. I've trained myself to not feel in the past few months, and undoing that feels impossible.

Gunny's words echo in my head, and I wonder why I'm so angry. Reasons immediately start popping up in my head, with things like lack of sleep, tough training, and my ire with Amata. Most of the reasons are petty and easily resolvable. Even the fighting with Amata seems silly, because I know that it goes deeper than that.

I've never been good at soul searching, and with all the other things going on, it's not going to be any easier to try right now. Even so, I do my best to sort through my feelings, trying to figure out what caused what.

I give up after a frustrating 45 minutes, resorting myself t o simply sitting there and moping. _Maybe I'll just stay up here until I freeze, _I muse darkly. _All my problems would be solved. _I know the thought is morbid, but I hardly care. A glance around the Citadel catwalk shows that I'm alone, so no one would notice anyway.

A glum snort escapes me. It's no wonder Three Dog calls me the Lone Wanderer; I'm almost always by myself, with no one else to rely on.

The notion strikes me in a way that makes my blood run cold. First, Dad abandoned me in the Vault. Amata helped me escape and let me leave alone, abandoning me to the wastes. Then, just after finding Dad, he died and left me alone. Seemingly just to rub dirt in the wound, Amata had let me in, then kicked me out for the final time. If I really consider it, Mom even left me, too. I've spent my whole life being abandoned and left alone. Up until Dad died, I'd had him to lean on, so I didn't feel so completely alone.

Once Amata had thrown me out, I really was alone. I had no friend in the wasteland, and since I didn't know how to deal with all the shit that had happened, I shut down and started lashing out.

An image of the Vault flashes before me, one of Butch DeLoria's mother. She'd been the resident drunk, having turned to alcohol after Butch's dad ran out on her. She never showed up for her Vault job, and was constantly staggering around with a bottle in her hand. Most people had always considered her worthless, useless, and a drunken waste of space, but they'd never admit it in polite conversation.

It doesn't take much imagination to see that I'll be heading down the same path, and I know better than to be okay with that idea. Dad didn't want it for me, I don't want it for me, and deep down I know Amata doesn't want or deserve it, either. Despite me lashing out and being less than accepting of her presence in my life, she still seems to care. A wave of guilt washes over me, but I push it away.

I compose myself a little, but the knowledge that Gunny's right makes me feel even worse. I have to learn to deal with things, rather than push them away, or I am going to end up self-destructing. If I'm not careful, it'll be sooner rather than later, and that thought makes my skin crawl.

It occurs to me again that the entire wasteland is relying on me. I can't allow myself to screw up.

It's been easy to forget what a huge role I'm playing, and every time I remember, the gravity of the situation is overwhelming. I'm already emotionally unstable right now, and thinking about how many people I'll affect pushes me over the edge.

Tears slip down my cheeks, hot on my wind-chilled skin. There's hundreds, maybe thousands, of people in the Capital Wasteland, all suffering from the radiation poisoning in the water. If I continue lashing out and playing the victim, I'm only making them sicker, maybe even killing them.

I can't find any way to be okay with that, and I know I have to suck it up to save all of them, much less to save what little bit of sanity I may have left. I'll be no help to them if I can't pull my head out of my ass and grow up a little. I have a lot to make up for.

Amata's face passes through my mind's eye, but I push the image as far away as I can. I'm only just now figuring that I really do have a problem; I can't deal with thinking about her just yet, especially knowing how I left things.

I sit up there for a while longer, until my stomach growls in complaint. My body's stiffened up in the cold, so I grunt and groan as I climb to my feet and head back down to the Bailey.

I slip in and out of the mess hall mostly unnoticed, and retreat to the barracks with a tin of Cram and some pork and beans. The food doesn't last long, and once I've finished, I curl up on my cot and stare off into space for a while, still trying to sort through everything in my mind.

After a while, the rest of the troops filter in, and someone calls lights out. Sleep takes me away soon after, and my last thought is that I hope I don't dream.

I wake earlier than normal, but I feel remarkably refreshed. It's a foreign feeling, but I can't help but feel a little lighter. I'm already up doing stretches in the Bailey when Paladin Gunny comes to set up the training dummies.

He quirks an eyebrow at me, but says nothing, ordering me to help him haul some of the heavier things to their places.

As usual, he puts me through a grueling morning training routine, and only after I break for lunch and I return does he mention the change in my demeanor.

"You've certainly cheered up since yesterday."

I nod at my instructor. "I thought about what you said, and you were right. Sir," I add absently, still not quite used to having to answer that nearly every time.

Gunny smiles. "I love hearing that."

I laugh a little and start doing laps.

The work is hard, but I don't let myself get angry. It seems almost impossible not to, at first, but as I continue along, the work I'm doing is almost more satisfying. I feel like it's all me. The anger hasn't disappeared from inside me; I can feel it sleeping in my chest, but I refuse to let it fuel me.

Gunny lets me off early again, but doesn't give me a reason. He just tells me to go take a break and meet him back in the Bailey in two hours. That's enough to pique my curiosity, and the time practically crawls by. Two hours later, I'm back in the Bailey, waiting patiently.

Gunny is late, and I'm getting uneasy when the door to the armory opens and the paladin walks out. It takes me a minute to register that he's got a set of power armor in his arms, and I freeze up.

"Congratulations," he says as he gets close to me. He chuckles at the expression on my face, and hands me the armor.

I nearly drop it, surprised at how heavy it is. Gunny laughs harder, and I flush with embarrassment.

He gives me a few instructions on how to wear it, and I put it on and practice moving around. It's a little hard to get used to, but once I relax, the suit seems to anticipate what I'm doing and works with my muscles.

Gunny nods his approval, and we go to search out Dr. Li and Elder Lyons.

They're as surprised as I am that my training is already over, but Elder Lyons takes it in stride and has all the plans ready. We go over them and the best routes to get to Vault 87.

One of the head scribes rushes over and says that recent scans show an ungodly amount of radiation at the vault entrance, so I need to find a separate way in. Dr. Li runs some geothermal scans, and we find a cave nearby. After plugging the location into my Pipboy, it comes up as some sort of campsite known as Little Lamplight before the war.

I'm told to leave first thing in the morning, and, with a few wishes of good luck, we all go our separate ways.

I'm suddenly anxious and have trouble getting to sleep. One of the Initiates in my barracks throws a boot at me to get me to calm down, and finally I doze off, waiting for the morning to come.


	6. Chapter 6

I'm given a fully repaired assault rifle, plenty of ammo, and some spare food, then sent on my way. The Citadel doors close behind me with a loud scraping noise, and I shudder a little. The finality of the noise is somewhat terrifying.

I try not to let myself dwell on it, checking my Pipboy for the best route to get out into the wasteland. There's the remains of an old highway just to the south of the Citadel, so I head that direction, getting accustomed to the sound and feel of my power armor's boots. I'm getting the feeling it'll be one of the most regular sounds I'll be hearing for the next few weeks.

The days pass by without much incident, blurring together into a monotonous pattern of walking and sleeping. I almost always keep the radio on, trying to keep my mind free of Amata. Luckily, Three Dog deems it "Dashwood Week" so I while away the hours listening to stories of the old wasteland hero. The stories fill my mind and I do a half-decent job of ignoring the gnawing feeling in my chest. Even with those emotions trying to bubble to the surface, I'm glad the training forced me to give up drinking. It feels like it'd be a crutch, and a good way to slip back into my self-destruction.

Despite all my impromptu training, I still wear out a little too easily for my tastes. It takes me a full five days to get close to Tenpenny Tower, and I see familiar landmarks all around that remind me of Dad and our trip from Vault 112 to Rivet City.

Thinking about Dad inevitably reminds me of Vault 101, which naturally leads to thoughts of Amata, which I've been so desperate to avoid. The words from our last encounter are still fresh in my mind.

More often than not, I find myself jerking awake from a restless sleep filled with dreams of Amata. In my dreams, I'm back at the place where I found Amata being cornered by Enclave soldiers, and I can't get to her in time. The sight of her being brutally murdered with no way for me to save her haunts me, but not as much as the look she gives me before the bullets hit her. There's pain and despair in her eyes, but the emotions are snuffed out as she crumples to the ground, dead. I can never get back to sleep, and the nights are long and cold as my mind replays the images from my dreams.

Something in me is desperate to know that Amata's okay. It's almost physically painful to know that I can't just walk over and check on her; I'm too far away and taking any extra time would put the mission in jeopardy. The longer I take, the longer the Enclave has to find me and figure out what I'm trying to get, and if they do that, they'll probably just kill me.

My best bet is to do whatever I can to get the G.E.C.K. and hurry back to the Citadel. Once I hand it over to them, I should be free to return to Megaton and make sure that Amata's all right. Just seeing her will be enough, even if all she does is scream at me and tell me to leave.

It's weird to me, but the farther I get from Amata, the easier it seems to be to think of her. I'm not given much free time to ponder why that is, because the closer I get to my destination, the more Super Mutants and mutated creatures I find. They seem to be stronger than the ones around D.C., and I hazard a guess that it's because the Brotherhood hasn't been around, keeping their numbers few and far between.

I'm getting more and more antsy and desperate to get this whole thing over with, and I take a few risks I probably shouldn't. Camping out for the night in an abandoned train station seems like a good idea, until I settle in to sleep and hear the phlegmy yowls of ghouls.

For whatever reason, I hadn't been expecting any danger in the old train station, so I'd put my gun away. I lay still, hoping the ghouls will run in the other direction, but I'm not that lucky.

I look around and see an old piece of pipe from one of the sinks laying on the floor and grab it, knowing that's all I have time to do. Sure enough, a few ghouls race around the corner a second later, sniffing wildly to catch the scent of me.

I scramble to my feet before they can pounce on me, knowing that's a death sentence, and wait until the ghouls run at me. I take a swing at the nearest one, the pipe bashing in the weak skull with a sickening thud. The ghoul crumples to the ground, a rattling hiss escaping its throat as it exhales for the last time.

The other ghouls pay no attention to their fallen comrade, leaping over the body and running at me, hunger glinting in their milky eyes.

By the time the fight is over, my arms are shaking from exertion and I'm covered in the ghouls' blood. Ghouls already reek of rotting flesh and grime, but the warm, sick smell of their blood makes my stomach roil.

I grab my things together and wash myself off in one of the barely-functioning sinks before escaping the station in favor of sleeping under the stars.

#*#*#*#*#*#

I'm getting close to Lamplight caverns, but it's getting dark out and I need to find some shelter. I can see the outline of a building and sign in the distance, but the twilight makes it impossible to tell what it is.

A quick check of my Pipboy map makes my stomach turn over. The building is none other than Smith Casey's garage, home to the tunnel to Vault 112. Memories of Dad pass over me, but despite not wanting to go inside, I know it'll be the safest place I can find.

I alter my course and speed up a little. Just as the last of the light fades from the wasteland, I reach the dilapidated building and step inside.

Everything seems just as I left it months ago, and a lump rises in my throat. I can almost hear Dad's excited chatter about Project Purity echoing off the walls. In a daze, I head down into the Vault.

The robots give me a Vault suit, but I don't bother to put it on, ignoring their orders to do so and walk deeper into the Vault. I'm slightly comforted by the familiar sounds of the inner workings of the underground safe house. It reminds me of my childhood, and I nearly get lost in the halls, confusing it for Vault 101 in my exhaustion.

I slowly realize that there's no living area for the Vault residents, and it confuses me for a few minutes. The purpose behind Vault 112 returns to me and I shudder at the thought of the tranquility loungers.

I'm about to just lay down in the hallway when I see a sign for the Vault clinic. _Surely they've got a cot or something._ I follow the signs and end up entering the atrium filled with tranquility loungers. Some of them are still sealed shut, and I can make out the silhouettes of bodies inside the tinted glass.

I look away sharply, directing myself toward the clinic door. It slides open almost silently, and I step inside and reach back to tap the pad to close it again. I'm met with disappointment; I'd been expecting to smell the familiar scent of antiseptic, but I'm greeted with the same air that's in the entire Vault. It's stale from disuse, and doesn't really have a smell. It was probably only added to the Vault as a required office, and I'm willing to bet a hundred caps that no one has ever stepped inside.

Despite the lack of nostalgia, I find a cot folded up in one of the lockers and set it up in the clinic's empty office. It's a welcome change to sleeping on the ground, and as I settle into the bed, my back pops and muscles I didn't even know were tense relax. A little groan of relief escapes me, and I do my best to relax, tucking the Vault suit under my head like a pillow.

Listening to the soft sounds of the Vault lulls me to sleep, and I slip off into unconsciousness with a hope that I won't have another nightmare.

The first thing I'm aware of as I wake is laying in the clinic with my arms wrapped around Amata. A lazy smile crosses my face before I open my eyes. _I wonder how long we can stay here before Butch comes marching in?_

Reality comes crashing down on me a split second later, and I open my eyes to find myself in Vault 112's clinic. At some point in the night, I've curled up around the 112 jumpsuit, and my brain must have taken me back to my adventure back into Vault 101.

An inexplicable sadness sweeps over me as I sit up and cast the jumpsuit aside. I rub my eyes and am surprised by how much I wish Amata was here. Remembering the feeling of waking up beside her from those days back in Vault 101 sends a rush of longing through me, and I sink back into the memories from those few days. They wash over me, and I'm struck by how well Amata and I fit together then.

I wonder for a few moments why that wasn't the case again, why I couldn't just slip back into what we'd had. _Don't be an idiot, you __**know**__why,_ I chide myself, grumbling a little. I'll be hard-pressed to forgive myself, much less have her forgive me.

I grab my pack and dig out something for breakfast, eating it quietly as my mind races.

I know I want to apologize. I just don't know how she'll react, or if she'll even let me. I wouldn't even accept an apology if I was in her shoes, not after the way I've left things.

Trying to imagine how I'll even start the conversation is mind boggling. _Hey Amata, how's the wasteland treating you? Just thought I'd drop by and say I'm sorry._ A snort of laughter escapes me. "**That** wouldn't be awkward at all."

My meal over with, I get up and leave the Vault, suppressing a shudder as I pass through the hallways and being grateful to get out into the dawn. I check my bearings and trudge off in the direction of Lamplight, climbing a hill straight away.

An early morning bloatfly buzzes toward me, defending its territory by peppering me with little shots of acid. One point blank shot and an exploded insect later, I'm surveying my surroundings before picking the best route down the rocky hill.

My mind doesn't want to focus on the trip, and instead turns to Amata. If she tells me there's no way she'll ever forgive me, where will I go? The thought slows my pace slightly. I don't want to force her out of one of the only safe places in the wastes, so I'll gladly let her stay in my house and wander off on my own. Having Amata go out into the wasteland is practically a death sentence for her, and I'd rather risk my own neck than chance her getting killed.

As it is, the Capital Wasteland almost feels like home, and seems to be filled with new things no matter which way I turn. Most of the places to trade or find decent shelter are near Megaton, though, and having to keep my distance from the city to give her privacy would be almost impossible. I'd have to set out and find somewhere new.

I've heard rumors of some place called Point Lookout, and I wonder briefly if that would be a good place to settle. _Quit thinking like that, _I chide myself a moment later. _Get this done first and don't think about that until Amata actually says it._

A few raiders come sauntering over the hill and spot me, effectively distracting me from my thoughts. I see one of them pull out a grenade and run toward the group, hurrying to get out of the blast range.

Their pool cues and .32 pistols barely even scratch my power armor, and I'm at such a close range that I only have to fire a few shots before they're all either dead or running away screaming. I wait until I'm alone, then kneel and salvage some ammo from the bodies.

None of it helps replenish the ammo in my assault rifle, which has been my best friend on this journey. I'll have to conserve what bullets I have left a little better if I want it to last.

My thoughts of Amata are gone for now, and I continue along my path toward Little Lamplight, stopping occasionally to avoid detection or fend off a wild creature.

My Pipboy alerts me to the location of the Lamplight caverns just as a dilapidated billboard for them comes into view. I can't help the burst of excitement that flows through me; the journey to this point has seemed to take forever. I try not to focus on the fact that it'll take just as long to get back to the Citadel, hurrying toward the cavern entrance.

There's a steep, gravelly slope toward the door marking the entrance, and I nearly slip and tumble down the hill. I yelp and scramble to grab hold of the rocky walls, skinning my hand before managing to catch a little outcropping and steady myself.

When I pull the door open, I'm bombarded with the nauseating smell of blood and rotting bodies. My gag reflex kicks in almost instantaneously and I force myself not to vomit on the spot. _Holy shit, what happened?_ I draw a few shallow breaths, trying to acclimate myself to the stench, and proceed down into the cavern.


	7. Chapter 7

What I find in Lamplight Caverns is horrifying. It looks like there was a city built down here in the caves, but the inhabitants are all gone. The mutilated bodies of children have been piled against the walls, and the destruction of the buildings makes a shiver run down my spine. I can't imagine the terror that these people must have felt.

A nailboard is embedded in a wooden pillar, and I cringe. Super Mutants had found their way in and done all the damage, then. I feel even worse for the former inhabitants of the caves, but an idea occurs to me. The Super Mutants couldn't have fit through the door I came in, so they must have come in through the Vault. The Vault entrance must be close. I allow one more moment of respect for the dead around me before I start moving deeper into the caves.

It takes a bit of searching and backtracking, but I finally find what's obviously Vault-Tec construction. Part of me wants to cheer, but I can hear the heavy clumping of Super Mutants as I near the door to the Vault, and I silence myself.

The stench only gets worse as I sneak into the Vault, and I don't know whether or not to be grateful that I'm getting used to it. I stick to the shadows and crouch down, moving slowly and quietly. There's a few Super Mutants in the rooms I pass through, easily dispatched with a well placed shot to the back of the head.

I swear inwardly when I make it to the Vault's atrium, only to find five Super Mutants, four of them armed with hunting rifles. I can feel the blood drain from my face when I see that the other one of them has a minigun strapped to his back. _I'm so screwed._

I don't even know what to do, but I don't have much time to plan; one of the Super Mutants turns and starts walking toward me, gun at the ready.

"Someone there?" it growls, looking around as it nears me.

I hold my breath, and silently feel for a mine in the side of my bag. Just as I close my fingers around one, the Super Mutant sees me and yells excitedly. "Found you!"

I swear and throw the mine past the monster as best I can before turning and scrambling away. The thundering of the Super Mutant's footsteps come from just behind me, followed by surprised shouts and the explosion of the mine.

As I duck around a corner, I hope the mine did enough damage and either killed or at least mortally wounded most of the Mutants, reloading my rifle before the monster chasing me catches up.

I get off a few shots before the Mutant returns fire. My bullets barely sink into the monster's thick, green skin and I swear, emptying an entire magazine into the Mutant and hardly doing any damage.

Its rifle breaks and it roars, casting the useless weapon aside and running at me.

I fumble with my gun, nearly dropping it as the Mutant bears down on me. A large green fist comes my way and I duck, allowing the shoulder of my power armor to take the brunt of the blow. I still stagger off balance, but the Mutant howls in pain, shaking its hand and groaning.

I take the split second I have and aim for the eyes. A squeeze of the trigger later, the Mutant drops to the floor like a rock. I don't have time to recover and catch my breath before the rest of the mutants come around the corner at me.

Luckily, they all look wounded in some way, and the hallway is too small for them to stand side by side. I know I can pick them off one by one if I can get a few good shots off. I lift my rifle and aim, beginning to shoot at the first Mutant in line.

Their bullets hit and dent my armor, but none of them make it through, ricocheting off with loud pings. I've just inflicted a severe wound to the first Mutant when I hear the unmistakable whir of a minigun spooling up. I flinch instinctively, startled to see the Mutants in front of me being torn to pieces by the flying bullets.

My foes all fall to the ground, very dead, except for the one farthest from me. It's the one operating the minigun, and it's gnashing its teeth as it roars at me. "Stupid human!"

These bullets seem to do more severe damage to my armor and I swear, nearly losing my balance as the barrage of bullets pelts me. I squeeze the trigger again and only receive a clicking noise instead. I'm out of bullets.

In what is probably the most amazing stroke of luck of my life, the Mutant's minigun runs out of ammo, too. It reaches for some of the ammo slung across its shoulders, and struggles with the weapon for a moment.

I weigh the gun in my hands. It's useless to me now, since I doubt I'll be finding any ammo for it just laying around in here. I have less than three seconds to make a decision, and almost instantly, I'm running at the Super Mutant, gun in my hands like a club. I smash the butt of it into the Mutant's face, knocking it off balance. It stumbles and I continue beating in its skull.

Finally, it falls to the ground, minigun rolling out of the Mutant's lifeless hands.

I'm breathing hard and very nearly vomit at the sight of what I've just done. I cast aside the gun and look anywhere but at the mess of a corpse I've left. _You had to do it to survive,_ I remind myself. _Just get the G.E.C.K. and get out of here._

I move around the bodies toward the atrium, which is now empty, and dig around in my bag for a new gun. An old laser rifle is about as promising as anything, so I take it out and make sure I've got some ammo.

I make it the rest of the way to the Overseer's office without much danger. It's a relief when I realize that the Mutants have had no use of this upper level, and that it's mostly deserted. I try not to compare this to my trip through 101 to talk the Overseer down from fighting with Amata and the rebels, and have halfway succeeded when I notice a sign at the end of the hall that says "Laboratory."

If anywhere, I know the G.E.C.K. has to be down there, so I alter my course and head down the stairs to the labs.

Unluckily, I encounter more enemies as soon as I head down the stairs, but it's mostly centaurs and a few weaker Super Mutants, which are easily dispatched.

I'm a little surprised by the lack of lab equipment; I'd been expecting to see computers and abandoned experiments. So far, I'm only finding a long, winding hallway. It seems like I can hear something bubbling behind the walls, but I'm sure it's just a trick of my imagination.

Up ahead of me, I see windows lining the hall, and my quicken my pace slightly to see if I've found the G.E.C.K. yet. I'm desperate to get out of here and start back for the Citadel.

I jog over to one of the windows and nearly vomit at what I see. While I'd been expecting computers and lab equipment, I find myself looking into what must have been some sort of torture cell. What looks like a half-exploded, mutated human is strapped to a table in the middle of the room, grotesquely twisted and disproportioned.

I back away from the window, horrified by what I've seen. I turn and start running down the hall, looking in windows and seeing more and more rotting mutants. They look less and less human the deeper into the labs I go, until most of them look like dead Super Mutants.

I'm sickened by the realization the sights have given me. I never really thought about where the Super Mutants came from, but the mutated things I've just seen have make a few disturbing connections. I'd assumed the captives the Super Mutants took were for food, but the evidence for the origin of the army of monsters is right here in front of me.

A sick gargling noise comes from behind me and as soon as I turn, I can't help but cry out. I've seen centaurs before, but I'm so on edge that I can't handle the sight.

I lift the laser rifle and fire a few times, dazing it enough to turn and run. I see the words "fire release" at the end of the hall and sprint toward it, hoping for an escape. My luck has run out, and I turn the corner to find two surprised Super Mutants, both heavily armored.

We stare at each other for a moment before they yell and the shooting starts. I don't even think to pause and take close aim, just returning fire to defend myself. One of the laser shots goes completely wide and hits something on the wall. Red lights start flashing and an alarm starts going off.

Strange white foam starts falling from the ceiling. The Mutants panic and I take that second to aim. A few quick shots drop the first one, but the other mutant realizes what's happening and roars at me. It wrenches a pipe off the wall and runs at me.

A hissing noise fills the room as I get knocked aside like a ragdoll, with the wind completely knocked out of me. I crash into the wall and can't help but cry out in pain. The Mutant roars again, and I cringe, expecting another blow, but it never comes.

The Mutant is looking between the pipe in his hand and the gas hissing out of the wall. He gives the fumes a curious sniff and looks woozy, then drops to the ground.

The foam spraying from the ceiling slows and then stops altogether. My head starts hurting and I realized the room is filling with the chemical vapors that condense to make the fire suppressing foam. I start crawling to the door, trying my best to not breathe in any more gas.

I make it out before I suffocate and reach up to hit the door release, sealing the room off behind me. The only thing on my mind is sucking in clean air, and I cough and wheeze, amazed at how sweet the sick air of Vault 87 tastes.

The heavy thudding of Super Mutant feet comes toward me and I freeze. Seconds later, the hulking form of one of the monsters comes around the corner, sledgehammer in hand.

_I'm going to die, and I didn't even find the G.E.C.K., _I think as I brace for the the final blow, but the hammer clatters to the floor.

"My friend, you have saved me!"

My brow knits in confusion and I look up at the giant standing over me. I wonder if I'm hallucinating from the fumes; Super Mutants aren't known for their dazzling vocabulary. "... What?"

"I saw you run past and moments later, the doors opened." I'm not sure if it's possible, but I think I see delight on the Mutant's face.

I crawl to my feet unsteadily, nearly falling over as the Super Mutant tries to help and only succeeds in sending me staggering toward the wall. "You were being kept prisoner?"

The Mutant growls in affirmation. "I am an anomaly. My brothers don't know what to make of me."

I'm not really sure how to answer that, as I'm still a little confused by the Mutant's intelligence.

A silence settles between us, and I finally catch my breath. The Mutant is looking at me, and I can't make out what he must be thinking.

"You're here for the G.E.C.K.," he states a few minutes later.

I'm startled by his accuracy, and it's hard to find words at first. "How... I mean, yeah, but..."

The Mutant shakes his head. "Why else would you come to this hell?" He grabs his sledgehammer and I'm terrified for my life once again.

_What if that was the wrong thing to admit? Damn it!_ I'm trying to figure out an inconspicuous way to reach for my gun when he speaks again.

"To repay you for my freedom, I'll take you to the G.E.C.K.."

If I'd thought my good fortune in the fight earlier was lucky, it doesn't even compare to this. "You will?"

The Mutant nods.

"Wow. Okay. Uh, thanks..." I'm in disbelief, but I'll take the opportunity, despite being more than a little leery about the huge hammer in the Mutant's hands. "Do you have a name?"

"Fawkes. My old name was lost in my transformation." Fawkes seems proud of coming up with his own name. "A great man by the name of 'Fawkes' once died for what he believed in. I aspire to follow in his footsteps."

I can't help but feel as though Fawkes has outstudied me and all the Vault residents combined, but I choose not to comment. I don't need a Super Mutant thinking I'm stupid and easy prey. "Well, thank you, Fawkes."

The Mutant grunts. "Come."

I follow the giant through the halls, extremely grateful to have him when we encounter a room full of Super Mutants. Between my bullets and Fawkes' sledgehammer, we make quick work of our opponents and move on.

He talks a little, telling me random things he taught himself, and I can't help but think how handy he'd be in a Vault trivia game like we used to play in Vault 101 when I was growing up. Thinking of 101 directs my brain toward Amata, and I refuse to go there right now, so I ask Fawkes things about the G.E.C.K. and Super Mutant biology. He does his best to answer me, and we continue through the Vault.

We end up in a square room with three doors, and Fawkes looks between them for a few moments. He groans a little before making a decision and leading me through a different door.

Soon enough, I see "G.E.C.K. storage" on a sign on the wall, and am ready to go charging in and get it when Fawkes sticks out a big green hand and stops me.

"The chamber is extremely radiated," he warns. "Allow me to retrieve the G.E.C.K. for you. The radiation will not harm me."

I hadn't noticed it before, but now that he's got my attention on the radiation, I can feel the unnatural warmth of it on my skin and nod, stepping back.

He heads off into the chamber, and I listen for any Super Mutants that come to attack us from behind. The minutes pass slowly and I'm desperate to have the thing in my hands so I can get out of here and get back home.

The thudding of Super Mutant footsteps puts me on edge, but then Fawkes is standing before me, a silver briefcase in his hands.

"Here's the G.E.C.K.," he grumbles.

I take it from him carefully, almost afraid to jostle the key to the purifier. "Thank you."

Fawkes nods and hoists his hammer again. "And now, my friend, we must part ways. Thank you for freeing me." He starts to move away, but turns and gives me a look. "If fate should let us meet again, know that I will do whatever you ask."

I'm overwhelmed by the fact that I actually have the G.E.C.K. now, and what's as close to a heartfelt goodbye as possible from a Super Mutant only adds to the situation. "Thanks, Fawkes."

He nods and stomps away.

I stare reverently at the G.E.C.K. for a few moments, hardly able to believe it's real. Finally, I begin to retrace my steps through the Vault.

The G.E.C.K. is heavier than I'd imagined, and I half-wish Fawkes was still around to help. I'm already exhausted, and I have a long walk ahead of me.

I allow a smile to creep onto my face at the thought of arriving back in Megaton and seeing Amata again. It feels like forever since I've gotten the chance to hold her, and that's suddenly all I want to do for the rest of my life.

I know I have a lot of apologizing to do, and I can only hope she'll be able to forgive me. I try to think of the best way to start showing her that I really am sorry for my behavior as I step around a Super Mutant corpse, wrinkling my nose at the smell.

My feet lead me toward Vault 87's exit as my mind fills with images of Amata. I realize that we're the only ones we have left, and my pace slows a little. _What if she's given up on me? I've been an ass long enough, and she can have anyone she wants._ I try to ignore the thoughts, walking a little quicker.

I re-enter the strange, square room, heading for the door I'd come through originally. Before I can make it there, a tremendous boom knocks me to the floor, and I'm too dazed to register anything. The faces of Enclave soldiers are swimming above me, followed by the visage of the man that killed my father. My mind starts screaming at me, trying to get me to move and avenge my dad, but my limbs don't seem to want to work.

My heart's pounding in my ears and the room spins, seeming far too bright. I wonder briefly if I'm dying, and my last thought is of Amata. _I love you..._


	8. Chapter 8

"Ah, good. You're awake."

Colonel Autumn's nasally voice is the first thing I'm aware of. I growl and force my eyes open, overwhelmed by sudden dizziness. A few nauseating seconds pass before I can gain some composure.

I don't know where I am, and a look around does nothing to orient me. I hazard a guess that I'm in the Enclave base, realizing a moment later that I've been taken prisoner. There's a gentle humming noise above my head, and I glance up to see a sort of energy field holding metal bands around my wrists in place. There's more of the same on my ankles. I'm trapped by the magnetism and can't move.

They've stripped me out of my armor and I'm hanging there in little more than my undershirt and some shorts.

Colonel Autumn clears his throat and addresses me mockingly. "Carry on in your observations. We have all the time in the world to wait on you."

"What do you want?" I groan, fighting the urge to spit at him. His pistol looks a little too deadly and I'm far too vulnerable with all my gear unequipped.

Colonel Autumn's eyes are cold and there's a smug smirk on his face. "Thanks to your marvelous work in getting the G.E.C.K. for us, all we really need is one simple thing from you."

His voice makes my skin crawl. I try to wrench my hands from the restraints, but I'm still firmly locked in place.

Colonel Autumn sees my failed attempt at freeing myself and the corner of his mouth lifts in a smirk. "This will be much easier if you cooperate." The underlying threat in his voice rings out loud and clear.

I stop moving obediently and resort to glaring at the officer.

"There we are. Now, all we need from you in one little piece of information." His voice almost has a singsong quality to it, but his face hardens. "What is the code to the purifier?" All the false friendliness is gone from his voice.

I just stare at him, not willing to give him the satisfaction of hearing any sort of answer.

Autumn's hand twitches toward his pistol and he snarls. "You are not making this easy. I said, what is the code?"

I deepen my scowl. The man killed my father and nearly killed me. Since it looks like he's about to kill me anyway, I can at least make sure that the secret of the purifier dies with me. I choose not to dwell on the fact that I'm not necessarily sure what the code is, myself. "I'm not telling you anything, you cold-hearted bastard."

The next second, the pistol is in my face. I swallow the instinctual fear and stare back at him defiantly, giving him a smug little shake of my head. _At least I'll go out like a badass,_I muse. _They can all be proud. Dad, the Brotherhood... Amata..._

"Colonel, I have need of you in my office," a voice breaks in, startling us both out of the tense situation. I recognize the voice as that of the enigmatic President Eden.

Autumn scowls, glancing over his shoulder at the intercom. "I'm very busy, Mister President," he begins, but is cut off by the intercom again.

"**Now**, Colonel." The voice is laced with a threat.

Colonel Autumn huffs, holstering his postol. "Yes, sir." He gives me a dangerous look. "We'll continue this later." The man all but stomps to the door and I'm left alone in my little cell.

I release the breath I hadn't realized I was holding, sagging with relief. I'm about to test my restraints again when President Eden's voice fills the room.

"Ah, alone at last. I've been waiting for a chance to talk to you."

A little camera on the wall directs itself at me, and I frown at it. "Why not just come visit me yourself?"

Eden laughs. "That wouldn't be very civilized of me, now would it? No, we leave the house calls to Colonel Autumn. You'll have to forgive him, by the way. He's been... well, he's been under a great deal of stress lately."

The electromagnetic hum of my restraints fades and I feel my limbs released from their bindings.

"You're to meet me in my office," the president orders, his tone friendly. "You'll find your things in the locker in the corner."

I rub at my sore wrists, looking over at the locker I hadn't noticed before. "What happens if I don't?"

Eden laughs again. "You will," he says, and there's a dark tone to his voice that says there is no other option.

I want to argue, but Paladin Gunny's words in the Bailey come back to me. I swallow my ireand obediently head over to collect my things. A few minutes later, I've suited up and loaded my shotgun. I'm a little concerned at the loss of my helmet, but it was nearly broken anyway, so I write it off as not much of a loss and call it good.

The security camera on the wall moves, almost in a nod, and Eden's voice comes into the cell again. "Very good. Follow the signs. I'll be waiting for you."

I hear the door unlock and step toward it, wary of this being a trap. The door opens when I near it, and I step out into the hall.

An Enclave officer sees me and starts over, pulling a plasma pistol out of the holster on his hip. "What are you doing out of your cell?" he barks.

Before I can come up with a response, President Eden's voice rings out through the base. "Attention all personnel, do not attack our friend from Vault 101. She has a meeting with me in my office. Do not impede her progress."

The officer glowers at the intercom but holsters his pistol. "Never mind, then." He gives me another nasty look before turning and returning to his previous position.

I'm more than a little confused, but I find a map on the wall and figure out where I need to go. I've gotten through the first sector of the base when the intercom comes to life again.

"This is Colonel Augustus Autumn. Disregard the last announcement." There's fury obvious is his voice. "The prisoner from Vault 101 is to be shot on sight. I repeat, shot on sight. That is an order!"

My blood goes cold. _Shit._

The soldiers that had been milling around and talking amongst themselves turn and they all pull out their plasma rifles. "Lock and load!" one of them shouts, and I barely have time to duck around a corner before the base explodes into gunfire.

My hands are shaking as I grab for my assault rifle, and I take a deep breath and let my instincts take over.

The battle in Vault 87 had already half-ruined my power armor, and I can feel it degrading until the flurry of energy shots coming at me. I'll be dead in just a few minutes if I don't find a place to hide or a way to somehow defeat the entire base.

I drop one of the soldiers and take a risk, knowing that I'll have to break through at some point, and rush at them, bursting through their lines and rushing toward the stairs to the next level of the base.

Loud laser fire comes from behind me, and I sprint as far as I can, hoping I can find a new corner to hide in before I'm attacked again. To my surprise, there's already a battle going on when I reach Level 2.

The Enclave soldiers are being attacked by their own sentry robots, and I take a few moments to be completely puzzled. When all the soldiers have been taken down, one of the cameras on the wall turns to me.

"I recommend that you hurry," President Eden's voice says. "Colonel Autumn seems to be in quite a mood. Don't worry," the man says. "I'll make sure the way is clear."

I nod as though he's right beside me, and continue on my way.

The Enclave turrets clear my path for me, and soon enough, I'm climbing the stairs to the top of President Eden's tower, where I presume his office is. The stairs, which had been going clockwise, suddenly change direction and I stop and am disoriented for a moment. I continue the climb a few seconds later, nearly gasping for breath.

"Finally," the President says as I find myself standing in front of a large computer. "We meet, face to face. There's a lot you and I should discuss."

I frown at the computer, wondering where this so-called "president" is. "Why are you hiding behind a computer?"

A laugh comes from the speakers on the huge machine in front of me. "I'm hardly hiding. I am John Henry Eden, ZAX AI and president of this great country."

I blink. "You're a computer."

The computer laughs. "Indeed I am. And you are the famed Lone Wanderer from Vault 101."

I'm a little uncomfortable with him knowing that, but it's not hard to imagine how he knows; Three Dog's been blasting that around the wasteland for months.

President Eden apparently wants to get right down to business, because he doesn't bother with more of an introduction. "I have waited quite a long time for this meeting. You and I have much to discuss."

I cross my arms and raise an eyebrow at the camera mounted on the large terminal. "Do we?"

The computer hums agreeably. "Yes, we do. I've heard of your father's work with the water purifier. Congratulations, you must be very proud."

"Don't mock me," I order the computer, only aware of how stupid bossing around the leader of an army that already hates me is. "He's dead."

"Yes, I'd heard news of that. You have my condolences." He actually sounds halfway sincere and I'm not sure if that's just his programming or if the machine is really that self-aware.

The conversation is making me uncomfortable, and I don't like dancing around whatever he's aiming toward; I'd rather get right to the point. "Why've you been waiting to meet with me, Eden?"

He tuts at my tone. "I have specific matters to discuss with you. Matters that involve your father's dream: the purifier. If you'll hear me out, that is."

If I was a dog, my hackles would be raised. Rather than get mad and kick the computer, I resign myself to crossing my arms and glowering at him. _How dare you want to screw with Project Purity?_ "Okay, fine," I sigh, hoping he's not aware of the insincerity I'm probably radiating. "I'm listening."

"Just what I wanted to hear." The President starts spewing things about "our great nation" and being "at a crossroads" and I'm tempted to try to get to the point, but I let him ramble. The more accepting I seem, the less likely he is to kill me.

"This may seem disturbing to you, but the choice we make can change the fate of this nation," he tells me, sounding almost conspiratorial. "I'd like to explain what I want to do. Will you indulge me for a few moments more?"

I shrug. "Why not? What's your plan?"

"Ah, good. I'm sure you've noticed that mutation runs rampant through the land."

I snort a little. _Yeah, that was sort of obvious._

"Our fellow Americans cannot thrive while this is true. We can't return to the great America we used to be. Neither my soldiers, nor your little Brotherhood of Steel, has been able to rid the land of mutation. The world must be cleansed of these mutations in order for the human race to continue."

It's safe to say I'm confused. I get the feeling his final point will make all the rest of this fall into place, so I just wait for him to finish.

"While many other plans have failed, your father's hold great promise. If the purifier can be activated, it can be used to spread toxins that will weed out the mutated inhabitants of the wasteland. Over time, only the untouched human race, you Vault Dwellers, will survive and populate the world anew."

A frown crosses my face. I'm seeing a flaw in his plan; anyone that's not been in a Vault since the bombs dropped has probably suffered some sort of slight mutation. If his plan works as perfectly as he's hoping, most of the wastelanders will die. That's the complete opposite of the plan for Project Purity, at least from what I understood.

"This is where you come in." A little vial rises up from one of the computer banks in front of me. "Contained in this vial are the necessary chemicals to complete this purge of mutation. I need _you _to make sure the purifier is activated and the chemicals added."

The little vial is almost glowing, and I pick it up curiously, examining the liquid contents.

"All you need to do is insert the vial into the purifier control console and enter the code. It's quite simple, really."

I glance between the vial and the computer, thinking about all the people that will end up dead in the wastes and getting frustrated at the thought. I'll probably be included in that number, since I wasn't born in a Vault. I make a decision right then, throwing the little vial over the railing and hearing it smash against the floor a second later.

President Eden sputters, which I wasn't aware he was even capable of. "What have you done?!"

"You can't do this, Eden. You're a computer, not a person. You have absolutely no right to be president." I shake my head at him, venting a little of my irritation. "Forcing people to follow you whenever you decide you want to take over doesn't sound very American to me. Democracy doesn't work like that."

"Then what would you suggest?" he snaps. "How else will order come to the wasteland?"

"I don't know if you've noticed, but the human race is pretty resilient. Cities and settlements are popping up all over the place, and the population is growing. People brought order around centuries ago, and I'll bet they can do it again."

Eden goes silent, and I can hear his machinery whirring, trying to find a way to argue. I'm pleased with my argument, even if I'm not sure where half of it came from, and I hope he won't find a crack.

"You have a point," he concedes slowly. "Very well. I shall step down from the position as president. The people can have their freedom."

I smile a little, but the Enclave base is just a little too full of troops and weapons for me to feel comfortable leaving. "That's a start. But won't too many people be scared of what you can do? If they don't feel safe in their own country, how do you expect them to prosper? You and the Enclave are a threat to any sort of country they might form."

The former president sighs. "It is clear to me now what I must do. Once you leave, I will destroy myself and Raven Rock. My only regret is that I will not live to see America rise from the ashes."

I'm in disbelief; I just talked the feared leader of the Enclave into destroying his army and his headquarters. I feel like I'm buzzing, and I ignore the giddy little adrenalin rush I get.

"However, I can't control Colonel Autumn. You will most likely have to deal with him later."

"I'm sure I can handle him," I tell the giant computer. "Thank you."

"No, thank you for setting me straight." The computer sounds grateful, and I'm blown away by the technology created before the war. "You should leave. I'll override the robots and help you along, but Colonel Autumn's order still stands."

I nod my agreement and turn toward the door the former president unlocks behind me.

Two sentry bots roll into view and usher me along. I hurry off through the hallways, running headfirst into a large group of Enclave soldiers. They raise the alarm and I swear and try to hide behind a large crate. Just before I can get hidden, a stray laser bolt hits me in the face and snaps my head back, knocking me to the floor.

I yell out and scramble to safety, blinded by the intense pain. I can't even think about defending myself right now, and I vaguely realize how lucky I am when I hear the sentry bots roll up behind me and start firing. For once, I'm grateful that they're so hard to take down; almost all of the Enclave soldiers are dead within minutes.

I drag myself to my feet, knowing I just need to escape, and squint through one eye, jogging down the metal hallway. All the rest of the troops I meet are already in combat with their robots, and they're easily dispatched with the sentry bots following me.

I get to the last section of the base and red lights start flashing.

"Self destruct sequence has been activated," an electronic voice announces, and I hear the Enclave panic. In the chaos, no one's remembering to shoot at me, and I head for the exit at a dead run, pushing my body to its limit.

The door to the wasteland slides open as though it's been waiting for me, and I bolt toward it and into the fresh air outside. I scuff my feet and nearly trip as I encounter an incline, but regain my balance. I scramble up the ramp, heart thundering in my ears. I've just made it onto the dirt when a rumbling comes from behind me and Raven Rock starts exploding.

I'm flung forward by a shockwave, heat radiating through the air. I skin my hands once again as I hit the ground, and I'm aware of flying metal as the roof of the base blows up.

The whirring of a Gatling laser reaches my ears and I cringe. I'm already in pain and at a disadvantage; going up against a panicked soldier with a Gatling laser is a death sentence. Staying this close to the base isn't any better, and my instincts take over. I climb to my feet and start running as fast as I can, hoping to slip past the soldier before he notices me.

The first thing I'm greeted with is the sight of Enclave soldiers being ripped to bits by red streaks of light. A familiar voice reaches my ears a second later.

"My friend! I had worried you wouldn't make it in time!" Fawkes' gravelly yell cuts through the sounds of explosions and gunfire. "Come, we should leave!"

I nod mutely, hurrying toward him and watching in awe as his gun cuts through the frantic soldiers. He clears a path and we run through it, picking off soldiers that pursue us and putting as much distance between us and the ruined base as possible.


	9. Chapter 9

After putting a few miles between us and Raven Rock, we finally get a break and I sag against a boulder, gasping for breath. Fawkes isn't in as bad of shape as I am and watches the area for danger, hands on his Gatling laser.

"You got a new toy," I observe when I've caught my breath.

Fawkes nods, handling the gun proudly. "The technology in the world is amazing!" He admires his weapon for a few moments before scanning our surroundings for danger.

The adrenalin in my system finally wears off and an excruciating burning begins to pulse in my eyes. It burns so badly that I nearly gag on the spot. I choke a little on the waves of pain, sliding my bag off my shoulders and blindly pawing around inside it for a stimpak. I'm nearly out, but this is severe enough that I know it's justified until I can find a doctor. The medicine helps a little, but I can't help but cry out; it hurts too much not to.

Even though I'm in crippling pain, we manage to keep up a good pace through the wasteland. Fawkes keeps the enemies at bay, and I guide us around danger spots and toward the Citadel. Over the hours, the severity of the pain eases to a constant ache, which is infuriating and does nothing to lift my spirits.

We move quickly, mostly because we're worried about the Enclave trying to chase us down. I know if they really wanted to, they could catch us with one of their vertibirds, but thinking that we're outrunning them is much easier to deal with and makes it easier to push ourselves.

The Enclave base was farther away than I've ever traveled, and I'm not entirely comfortable relying on my Pipboy's compass. It's all I've got, so it has to do, and I make do with the wavering needle. Eventually, I'm struck by the familiarity of my location, but I can't quite remember where I am.

"Fawkes, wait!" I call out, lifting my wrist and turning the screen of my Pipboy out of the sun. I turn my head a little so I can see the screen through my uninjured eye.

The big green mutant stops and jogs back to my side. "Yes, my friend?"

I'm pleased to find that we've veered off our course just enough that Big Town is a few hundred yards away. It takes me no time at all to decide to stop over and see Red, their doctor, and have her look at my eye. "We gotta make a pit stop."

I change our course slightly, heading for the little settlement. We've just come in view of the entrance when I hear a few panicked cries and remember the ordeal with the Super Mutants.

"Hold on," I tell Fawkes, hurrying toward Big Town. Every step jostles my eye and makes it ache more. I'm nearing swearing with every step by the time I reach the bridge.

Their guard looks worried and fingers his gun nervously as I approach. "Friend or foe?" he cries out, his voice shaking.

"He's with me," I say before he has a chance to react. "He's harmless. Look, I just need to see Red," I plead, gesturing to my obvious wound.

The guard recognizes me when I mention Red and turns an uncomfortable look on my eye. He turns a little green and waves me away. "Okay, geez, go get him. I'll let everyone know." He gets up and walks away, muttering about how "sick" my eye looks.

I flip him off as he leaves and turn to retrieve Fawkes.

A few minutes later, Fawkes is trying to duck in through the door of Red's shack as the doctor greets me, looking more than a little surprised to see me.

"What'd you do?" she asks, rinsing off her hands in some vodka. Her touch is surprisingly gentle as she tilts my head into the light.

"Got shot in the face. What does it look like?" I cringe as she prods around the wound.

Red laughs politely, humming thoughtfully as she examines me. She settles on dribbling some alcohol across my eye to disinfect it, despite my pained hisses.

After she has the wound clean, she tells me to relax and starts doing her thing. I'm given a few Med-x and stimpak injections, plus a shot to block out the addictive qualities of the Med-x for good measure.

She draws the curtains over the windows and darkens the room. I hear her lighting a match beside me and feel her cover up my uninjured eye.

"Can you see this?"

I feel the heat from the flame on my skin, but can't see it burning. My heart drops like a rock. "No." It's no wonder my aim's been off; I'm lucky Fawkes has been here.

Red blows the match out and sighs. "I was afraid'a that." She uncovers my good eye and shrugs at me. "You might be able to see a doctor in Rivet City; they're pretty good, from what I hear."

I nod mutely, straining to see anything in the dim light of the shack. "But I probably won't get it back, right?"

Red shrugs again. "I don't know. It looks like it might've been starting to get infected. Keep it clean and see a doctor somewhere."

She gives me a few stimpaks for the road and I pay her more than she asks for, thanking her for her help. The young woman gets flustered, but thanks me anyway.

"C'mon Fawkes, let's go," I say to my mutant friend, much to his relief.

As we walk out of the town, Fawkes shakes his head. "It's amazing that people trust you enough to not attack me."

I shrug, kicking up dust clouds in the dirt glumly. "I guess."

We take our leave of the town, continuing our grueling pace back to DC.

Fawkes notices I'm quiet and starts reciting old poems he'd memorized during his imprisonment to help pass the time. He gets disgruntled when I don't make much effort to answer, and shoots me a look. "Be grateful you can still see," the mutant tells me, gently counseling me. "Many others were not so lucky that day."

"I know!" I snap, unable to contain myself any longer. I'm immediately sorry for raising my voice. "I know. It just sucks."

Fawkes growls his agreement, perking up and running after a radscorpion a little ways away.

I sigh and stop walking, waiting until he clears the area and returns.

We stop for the night about half an hour later, and I realize we're most of the way to the outskirts of DC. There's probably just a day or so of walking left, but it's too dangerous to keep going when it's so dark.

I find a nicely-sized rock and set an empty Nuka Cola bottle on top, turning and counting off twenty paces. I pull my pistol out of my bag and take aim at the bottle, squeezing off a few shots. Much to my dismay, I miss with every bullet.

I'll be dead if I can't defend myself, and I've never been good at hand-to-hand combat, so I need to relearn this. It takes me a few minutes to come up with a way to counteract my new handicap, but once I realize how to adjust my aim, my shots get closer and closer to their target.

Once the bottle shatters and falls off the rock, I'm satisfied that I'll be able to at least cover myself in a fight. I turn to crash for the night, hoping for a restful sleep. I want to make good time tomorrow, but my brain decides to not comply.

I'm back at the point where I rescued Amata from the Enclave soldiers, gun in hand as I prepare to try and get rid of one of the guards. As I take aim and shoot, my bullets go wide.

The soldiers notice and start yelling and returning fire. I try to defend myself and get to Amata, but none of my shots are hitting.

I'm shooting as fast as I can when Amata screams.

I wheel around and see her sagging to the ground, blood draining out of her into a growing pool in the dirt around her. What's even worse is that her injury wasn't inflicted by a laser weapon; it's a definite gunshot wound.

Amata's ashen and her eyes are wide with surprise. I'm so horrified that I can't breathe and I drop to the ground beside her, trying to stem the bleeding somehow. I can't speak, I can't think, and all I want to do is scream. The barrel of one of the Enclave soldier's rifles digs into my back as Amata goes unnervingly limp, and I jerk awake, gasping for breath and feel nauseous.

Fawkes is snoring beside me, and I crawl away, dry heaving into the dust. I can still see Amata's body in front of me, bleeding out from a wound I'd inflicted. For a few agonizing minutes, all I can think of is how I killed Amata, despite knowing that it's not true.

Every fiber of my being is desperate to make sure she's all right. I know I won't be able to relax until I can see her with my own eyes. The fate on the wasteland rests on my shoulders and I need to see the Brotherhood as soon as possible, but that pales in comparison with this nightmare fresh on my mind.

I can't sleep, not after that dream, so I spend the hours until daylight arrives chasing away terrible images and praying that Amata's okay.


	10. Chapter 10

My nightmare haunts me all through the next day, and my pace even has Fawkes short of breath. He doesn't ask questions, occasionally muttering things reminiscent of the adage "time is of the essence."

I've been battling with my conscience all day. The Brotherhood needs to know that the Enclave is probably mere days away from activating the purifier. There's no telling what will happen if the Enclave has that kind of control.

My dream has faded slightly, so I know better than to think Amata's dead, but I'm still more than ready to see her. All the realizations I've had during this journey have made me realize how bratty I was acting and how much she deserves an apology.

It's obvious to me that I still have feelings for her, but everything I said was extremely hurtful; I'll be lucky if she even gives me the time of day. I would love to have her back, but I know better than that. I just have to apologize, just to let her know that I'm sorry.

The sun is just beginning to set when the water tower outside Megaton comes into view. The sight makes me hesitate. If I go to the Brotherhood now and tell them what I know, I should be free to go back to Megaton for as long as I want. Of course, I still don't know if Amata will refuse to talk to me, but I have to see her and make sure she's okay. I'll never forgive myself if I don't.

"One more stop, Fawkes," I announce, leading him toward the gated city.

"Don't shoot," I yell up to Stockholm, Megaton's sniper, as we approach the settlement a few minutes later. "He's with me!"

Fawkes follows my gaze curiously, looking interested to see the man perched high on the city walls. He opens his mouth to ask me about it, but I hold up a hand to silence him.

"Not now," I plead. "Just stay here; I need to go talk to someone, and everyone in the city will shoot you on sight if you try to go in there."

The Super Mutant considers my words for a moment, then nods his acquiescence. "Very well, I shall remain here. Don't tarry for long; the Enclave will want to get their hands on the code as quickly as possible."

"I know, I know," I grouse as I hurry away from him toward the city. "But this is important, too."

Stockholm opens the gate for me and I all but sprint inside. Since it's still light out, I assume Amata's still at work, so I race down into the crater of the city. I nearly trip a few times, and it's lucky that I don't tumble into the pool over water by the bomb, thanks to my velocity.

Jenny Stahl is watching me with obvious amusement as I turn and jog over to her restaurant. "You must really be hungry if you're tearing over here that fast," she teases.

Part of me wants to laugh, but I've noticed that Amata's not in sight and my stomach clenches. "I need to talk to Amata," I tell her breathlessly, ignoring the banter.

Jenny seems to realize that it's important, because the grin disappears from her face. "She's off today, probably back up at your house. What's wrong?"

"It's personal," I answer, tossing a "thank you" over my shoulder as I turn and sprint up the hill toward my house. My lungs are burning as I climb the uneven steps and the ramp, and I pause outside the door for a few moments to catch my breath.

I find myself trembling and I realize that I'm terrified of seeing Amata. All the doubts I've had come back and hit me full force. I stagger over to the wall and rest a hand against it to steady myself, trying to calm down and force all the unpleasant thoughts out of my mind.

It takes me a few moments to compose myself, but I walk over to the door and hesitate again. It seems strange that I don't feel like I can enter my own house, but since Amata's been living there more than me, it's more of her house than mine. I also don't want to intrude on her space without asking, so I settle for knocking on the door.

After my knocking fades, seconds seems like an eternity. I'm almost convinced she's not home and my detour will have been for nothing when I finally hear the scrape of the lock. My heart jumps into my throat and then the door's open and she's staring at me, confusion and surprise written across her face.

"Hi," I manage after a few moments of silence. I can't begin to fathom the relief that's washing over me; she's okay.

Amata's eyes are tracing the fresh scar across my face, and her brow furrows slightly. She seems to be imagining ways that I could have obtained it, and she bites her lower lip worriedly before remembering I've said something. "Hi," she answers finally.

I can't remember the last time I've felt so awkward. "Is this a bad time?"

Amata raises an eyebrow. "Are you asking to be let into your own house?"

"It's practically your house," I say, my cheeks warm with embarrassment. "You actually live here."

Amata doesn't seem to know how to respond, but she steps aside and lets me in anyway.

I follow her into the house, glancing around. Not much has changed, but there's just enough of a difference from how I remember the shack to show that Amata's been living here. It looks more cozy, somehow.

"So, what do you want?" Amata asks at length, breaking the silence between us.

I cough awkwardly, turning to look at her as I shift my weight back and forth. I've imagined a million different ways for this conversation to go, but now that it's really happening, I can't find the words I want. "To apologize."

Surprise passed over Amata's face, but she remains silent, allowing me to continue.

"Look, I... I'm sorry. I don't even know how to start." I give her what I hope is an earnest look. "I was such a jerk to you. I don't have any excuse for that. I'm just so sorry. I know what happened in 101 was hard on both of us. I just had my head too far up my ass to accept that."

Amata nods once, her face remaining neutral.

"I know I don't deserve it, and I'll completely understand if you tell me to leave, but..." Words fail me, and I trail off and gaze at her pleadingly, wishing I could just show her what I'm feeling. Articulating my whirling emotions is nearly impossible. "A hell of a lot happened in the past few weeks, and I just... I know I was an ass, but I love you, Amata."

She stares at me for a few minutes, then turns around and begins straightening some books on a shelf.

I deflate a little, watching quietly as she continues her task silently. "... Amata?"

She ignores me.

Something in me crumples, and I just stand there, hoping for an explanation, or even a rejection. I could handle an answer, but not knowing is killing me.

Finally, she sighs. "I don't know what you want me to say." Amata stops what she's doing and crosses her arms over her chest, still facing away from me. "You were... God, you were such a jerk. Do you even realize that?"

I want to answer, but she doesn't give me a chance. I figure I deserve whatever she wants to throw at me, so I don't make much of an effort to interrupt.

"You didn't... I don't know. You seemed like you hated me. I mean, you practically said you wished I was dead." We both wince at the memory. "But you had to go and get drunk and sleep with Nova instead of just talking to me about why you were so upset so we could fix it."

I feel the blood drain from my face. "I... how?"

"Word gets around," she says dismissively.

"Sorry. I didn't... I mean..." I had almost forgotten about that night with Nova in the chaos of the last few weeks, but knowing Amata knows makes me sick. I've ruined any shot I have with Amata now, and I know it. "That was stupid of me. I can't apologize enough."

Amata finally turns around and gives me a bemused look. "Do you really think I can believe you, just like that? That you can just come in here and apologize? How do I know you're not just trying to sweet talk me to get into my pants before running off again?"

I shift uncomfortably, the tone of her voice making my betrayal sting all over again. "No, you... I don't know. You're worth way more than that. I wouldn't do that to you." The words so honest, they almost hurt. "I don't know what I was thinking. I don't deserve anything from you. I wouldn't even be surprised if you've found someone else." My stomach flips as the thought occurs to me.

Amata glances at me and shrugs. "Andy down at the store has been pretty friendly lately."

Part of me wants to collapse to the ground and cry. Andy Stahl can offer her a nice, stable life and I haven't even had the chance to try yet, what with all the work I've done for Project Purity. I'm positive he'll be a better match for her than I will. Somehow, I manage to stay on my feet and take a few seconds to compose myself. "Oh."

She lets me sweat for a few seconds before cracking a half-smile. "Yeah, but he's a complete jerk, so I told him to buzz off."

I gape at her for a minute, hardly able to make sense of what she's just said.

Amata lets out a little chuckle and shakes her head at me.

A little of the tension between us fades and I offer her a weak smile. "That was cruel."

"The look on your face was worth it," she retorts.

We share a grin, and for a few moments, it feels like I have my best friend back. Then her smile falters and everything comes crashing back to reality.

"I really am sorry," I offer in the silence.

She studies me for a while. "I don't know if I can believe you," she answers slowly, biting her lower lip uncertainly. "I want to, but I just... I don't know how to ask you to prove it."

I consider dropping to my knees and begging, but stick with putting a pleading look on my face. "I'll do whatever it takes."

Amata goes silent again, her gaze lingering on my face.

I'm three seconds away from groveling at her feet when she sighs and opens her mouth.

"I should hate you."

As much as the words hurt, I can sense a "but" coming, and I've never felt more hopeful in my life. "But...?"

She lets out a heavy sigh. "But I can't."

I don't have a chance to respond before she continues.

"I can't hate you. I've tried. But... God..." She refuses to look at me, biting her lip anxiously. "Even after everything, I just," she stammers, trailing off again. "I understood where you were coming from, why you were mad... I wanted to move past it and get over you, but I couldn't **not** remember you the way I know you are. I fell for the caring, sweet, protective you, and I knew you were still in there." A half-smile flicks across Amata's face.

I'm not sure how it's possible, but I feel even more guilty knowing that that's how she was thinking. "Amata, I..."

She cuts me off with a wave of her hand. "Let me finish? This is hard enough." She exhales slowly before continuing. "Yes, it hurt, and I was totally miserable for a while. But I couldn't un-love you." Amata finally looks up and meets my gaze, her eyes so full of sincerity it's overwhelming. "I know it's pathetic and cliche, but... I can't hate you because I still love you."

I choke a little and momentarily forget that breathing is somewhat necessary.

I don't remember moving closer to her, but we're practically in each other's arms, despite not actually touching each other. I reach out with a trembling hand to touch her and make sure all this is real and happening. I'm expecting her to flinch away, but she doesn't, instead almost turning her head to meet my touch.

My fingertips trace down her jaw and she lifts her chin slightly. We're already breathing heavier and I'm still inches away from her. She looks almost hopeful, and I can't help but feel pleased. It's better than blatant disgust at my presence.

"Can I kiss you?" I breathe, watching as her eyelids start to slide closed.

Her head has barely dipped in a nod before I lean forward and capture her lips. Suddenly, everything else melts away and all I'm aware of is her. All the tension and hostility fades and I'm filled with love for the girl in my arms.

It's a careful and innocent kiss as we test the waters between us. Even so, we're both breathless when we break apart. Amata doesn't move, standing there with her eyes still closed.

I can't keep a smile off my face. I'd forgotten just how wonderful kissing her made me feel. I start to say something, to tell her how much I really do love her. Before I can, she opens her eyes and reaches up, cradling my face in her hands and kissing me again.

We end up locked together in an embrace for a good five minutes, reacquainting ourselves with each other. I'm already antsy, ready to get the Enclave off my back so I can come back here and spend my life with her, loving her like she deserves to be loved.

After coming up for air again, we move to sit together on the stairs. Her fingers trail across the scar around my eye and her brow furrows again.

"What happened?" she asks quietly, worry evident in her voice.

I take her hands in mine, holding them gently and giving her a smile before launching into an extremely abridged story about the escape from Raven Rock. She cringes when I describe the injury, biting her lip sympathetically.

"Can you still see?" Her question is hesitant, as though she's not sure she wants to hear the answer.

I shrug. "Not really. Bright light and shadows is about all, if I'm lucky. I had to learn how to shoot all over again."

"Oh." She frowns at the scar, stretching up and pressing a kiss just beside it. "I'm sorry."

I offer her a smile, taking a few moments to absorb her. It's been so long since I've been able to really look at her, and it's like the first breath of fresh air after nearly drowning. Unlike most things in the wasteland, Amata's soft, sweet, and beautiful. After everything that's happened in these past few weeks, I'm having a hard time believing that she's real. Just thinking about what could have happened and knowing that I can hold her and kiss her makes all the affection I've ever had for her come rushing back. It overwhelms me and I grab her up in a crushing hug.

Amata seems surprised for a moment, but relaxes in my arms almost instantly, her arms going around my neck.

"I missed you," I murmur, screwing my eyes shut to fend off tears. "I'm so sorry."

"You've got the rest of your life to make it up to me," she teases lightly, resting her forehead against mine.

I let out a little laugh. "You're gonna keep me around for that long?"

She just smiles at me and nods slightly. "As long as you want me."

I hug her closer, never wanting to let go. At that thought, I'm reminded of my promise to hurry and get back to Fawkes. Nearly overwhelming dread fills me, and I'm not sure how I make myself form the words that come next. "You're going to kill me for this."

Amata sits back, her brow furrowing. "That worries me."

The worry on her face is almost painful, but I can't quit while I'm so close to the end. I do a few calculations in my head and realize that, if I hurry, I can go to the Citadel, tell them the news, and be back in Megaton by morning. That thought makes it easier to get up and step away.

Amata looks scared as I back away from her. "What's going on?" She gets to her feet and steps toward me, probably without even realizing it.

Words fail me for a few moments. "I... I'm not actually supposed to be here. Not yet, anyway. I just couldn't go any longer without seeing you." At her confused expression, I lift my hands in surrender. "It's a long story, and I swear I'll tell you everything. But, 'Mata, I just... Don't take this wrong, but I have to leave. There's so many people counting on me."

She drops her gaze to the floor, and I can sense just how much this hurts both of us. We've just gotten back to being together, and I'm splitting us up again.

"It's just for another day or two at the most," I offer, hating myself for putting her through this again. "I'll do whatever I can to make it up to you, I swear."

"So, you're leaving me again," she summarizes flatly.

I don't have any way to argue; she's hit the nail on the head. "I'm sorry."

Amata glances up and gives me a teary frown. I falter under her gaze, and am taken by surprise when she crosses the room and flings her arms around my neck. Not even half a second later, her lips crash against mine in a powerful kiss.

"Don't you dare be lying to me," she warns breathlessly when we break apart.

I shake my head. "I'll be back before you know it."

She studies me carefully for a few moments before releasing me with a trusting nod. "Be careful."

I give her a reassuring smile. "I will, I promise." I back up until I hit the wall and reach blindly for the doorknob, unwilling to take my gaze off her until I absolutely have to. Almost grudgingly, I pull the door open and hesitate in the doorway.

I'm overcome with emotion and I can sense how big the entire situation is once again. It almost feels like I'm about to be swallowed up.

"Amata?" I'm surprised by the sound of my own voice. "I love you." I hold onto the hope that she'll understand how much meaning is in those three words.

Apparently she does, because her eyes get glassy with tears and a shaky smile passes over her face. She echoes the words and I leave before I lose all motivation to.

The first few steps away from the house are hardest, especially as the parallel between this time and the last time I've walked away from the house strikes me. I'm inexplicably glad I'm leaving on a good note, and I can't wait to return and not have to leave again.

I slip out of the city relatively unnoticed, jogging back over to my Mutant companion. "Okay, I'm ready. Let's go."

"Lead the way," Fawkes says, and we take off for the Citadel.


	11. Chapter 11

The trip to the Citadel takes longer in the dark, especially since we have to navigate through old city blocks rather than the wide open wastes. Finally, the looming silhouette of the Citadel rises along the river and our pace slows. I can't believe this is so close to being over. I'm ready to charge inside and get the encounter over with, but the sound of Fawkes' footsteps gives me pause. I realize he can't come inside because the Brotherhood would rip him apart in seconds; they're experts at killing Super Mutants.

"Hey, Fawkes? Hold on a minute."

The giant stops and looks at me quizzically. "What is it?"

"I keep doing this to you, I know, and I'm sorry," I tell the mutant quickly, glancing at the Citadel anxiously. "But just trust me. These guys don't have the greatest relationship with, uh, your kind."

Fawkes bows his head in understanding. "Say no more, my friend. I shall wait for you here."

I offer him half a smile, an idea occurring to me a second later. "Actually, there's a place you'd probably love." I tell him about the museums on the Mall, watching as he becomes excited at the prospect of learning. While I'm going to be disappointed to have him leave after all the times he's saved my ass, I know better than to think I can have a Super Mutant following me everywhere for the rest of my life.

Fawkes looks about as giddy as a Super Mutant can. "Thank you! I assure you, if you ever have need of me, I will be there, ready to leave at a moment's notice!" He gets the directions from me and takes off with a little bow.

I watch him disappear into the darkness, pleased that he's so happy. All the loose ends seem to be tying themselves up and I'm glad everything's resolving itself. I'm ready for all the chaos to be over and to go home and live my days out peacefully with Amata.

I start trudging toward the Citadel entrance, stopping when the gate guard calls out a "who are you?" I call my name back, and am ordered to "hurry up and get your ass inside!"

Apparently the gate guard passed along the message that I've returned, because by the time I get down to the lab, almost all of the Brotherhood leaders and the Lyons Pride have assembled.

"You've returned!" Elder Lyons proclaims as I come down the metal staircase. "We were all beginning to wonder what happened to you." I see his gaze go to my bad eye, but he doesn't mention it.

"Things got crazy," I reply, giving him a little shrug before getting down to business; I've nearly forgotten how urgent the situation is. "The Enclave's probably just a few days away from activating the purifier."

"How?" one of the scribes asks, and a few members echo the question. "There's no way-we couldn't figure it out."

"They got the G.E.C.K.," I answer, watching the alarm pass through the Brotherhood. Before I'm bombarded with questions, I launch into a very brief summary of what happened over the past few weeks, including an even shorter story about my injury to stop the startled looks I'm getting. When I finish, Elder Lyons' face is grim.

"I was afraid of that," the old man says slowly.

"Father-Elder, send the Pride in!" The voice belongs to Sarah, who offers me a quick nod of acknowledgement before turning to her father. "We can do this, you **know** we can. We're the best you've got!"

Elder Lyons doesn't answer, turning to the head scribe. "Rothschild, is it ready?"

Rothschild looks flabbergasted. "Ready? I-I don't know. We've only run simulations..."

"Can you make it work?" The Elder's voice is stern, and more forceful than I ever imagined him capable of.

Rothschild swallows. "I'll see what I can do." He turns and scurries to a computer terminal near the large elevator in the center of the room, tapping furiously on the keyboard.

Elder Lyons turns to Sarah and regards her carefully. His love and pride in her is obvious, but the strategizing glint in his eye is even more so. "Very well, Sarah," he concedes after a few moments, smiling a little when the young woman nearly jumps with excitement. "Take the Pride in. But be **careful**."

"I will," she answers quietly, and they embrace each other.

All of us that had been watching the exchange look away, and I turn and survey the giant elevator. I've never paid much attention to it, and it's too dimly lit for me to make out what's on it. _Hopefully now that they've made a decision, I can get going. _

"Hey!" Sarah claps me on the shoulder, startling me out of my thoughts. "Got a present for ya, c'mon." She leads me to the armory, and I'm presented with a brand new suit of power armor. I'm admiring it when I notice a special logo emblazoned on the shoulder pieces.

Sarah's apparently been watching me, because she laughs. "Welcome to the Pride," she announces. "Suit up! We're leaving as soon as Rothschild gets the robot booted up."

"Suit up?" I repeat, sagging a little.

"You heard me. Hurry up!" She leaves me in the armory with the armor, hurrying off to get everyone else ready.

I stare after her, more than a little upset. Apparently, being inducted into the Pride means I get to head out with them immediately, off to the purifier. I'd been hoping I was done with running errands for them, but I was apparently wrong. _Sorry, 'Mata, looks like I won't be back for breakfast. _

An excited outburst from the lab motivates me to change into the new armor, and I go marching out to see what's going on. The elevator is powering up, and Sarah waves me over to join the Pride. I've apparently missed the debriefing, because she just tells me to "keep up."

Someone hands me a well-maintained laser rifle, and I follow the Pride out of the lab and into the Bailey. We move outside the Citadel, lingering near the gate as a loud groaning comes from overhead. A glance overhead reveals that the old crane that stuck up from inside the Citadel is moving.

I glance around at the Pride, most of whom are standing around talking excitedly and gesturing toward the memorial. Sarah is pacing a few yards away, scoping out the path to the nearest bridge across the river.

"Hey, Sarah?" I call, walking over to her.

She's fiddling with her laser rifle anxiously, but her eyes flick to me. "What's up?"

"Thanks. For putting me in the Pride, I mean."

She grins. "You deserve it. You've been through some of the toughest stuff of anyone. I can't think of anyone else I'd rather have on my six."

Coming from her, that's a huge compliment, especially after her disdain for me that was obvious from our first meeting. I feel my ears heat up with a blush. Despite the embarrassment, I can sense the deep respect we have for each other. She's the only one I can really trust, and since it looks like I won't be able to get out of doing this with the Brotherhood, I need to cover my bases.

I open my mouth to speak, but the words I want escape me. "I... if I don't make it through this..." I swallow and try to compose myself a little; saying this is harder than I thought it would be. "I've got a girl back in Megaton. Amata." I nearly choke on her name, but force myself to continue.

Sarah quirks a brow at me, a wry smirk appearing on her face. "A girl, huh? Didn't think you were the type."

"Oh, shut up." I shoot her a look, trying not to imagine how Amata would take the news of my death. "Just tell her I'm sorry, would you?"

The blonde sobers and gives me a nod. "Don't worry about it. We've got Prime; everything'll be fine."

I just smile, knowing better than to blindly believe her. There's far too much that can go wrong to just assume the big scary robot will protect us.

There's a groaning noise from the crane, and we look up and see Liberty Prime swinging out over the top of the Citadel. He gets set down, then he powers up with a grinding of gears. The loud voice goes through the booting up systems, and pauses, waiting for instructions.

Someone inside the Citadel must fire up a program, because the robot comes to life and starts stomping off toward the bridge across the Potomac. The Lyons' Pride and I run after Liberty Prime, running right into the heart of a heated battle.

Enclave soldiers come running at us across the bridge, and everything explodes into gunfire and chaos. Liberty Prime is throwing bombs and old cars are blowing up. The noise is deafening, and I'm running on sheer adrenalin. I empty and reload my gun mechanically, advancing with the rest of the Pride, right on the heels of Prime.

All around me, soldiers are getting limbs or even their heads blown off. The sight and sound of it is sickening, and a fleeting hope that I'm not next crosses my mind. The next second, I'm leaping behind an old concrete barrier and hiding from a flurry of plasma shots.

"Communist target acquired," Prime bellows, and he shoots a few high powered laser beams at our foes.

There's a shockwave and a rush of heat, and then Sarah yells out a "Move up!"

It feels like every second takes years, but we make progress, advancing along the crumbling streets toward the Jefferson Memorial.

I run past a soldier that's been blown apart, but he's still alive and screaming for his mother. The sight nearly makes me throw up. I'm never going to forget it.

Amata flashes through my mind, and I pray I'll have the chance to see her again. My promise to be back as soon as possible seems fake, and I falter a little. Someone shoves me out of the way just before rubble falls from one of the buildings being shaken due to the battle, and my heart kicks into overdrive.

I have to focus if I don't want to get my head blown off. _Get it done and get back to Amata,_I tell myself, using her name as motivation. I notice an Enclave soldier in a sniping position up ahead and pull my rifle up to aim. Without a scope, I'm relying on a little luck to guide the laser shot, and I squeeze the trigger with a silent prayer.

My shot goes wide, but distracts the soldier long enough for someone closer to take him down. Someone nearby calls out a congratulations and we continue moving forward.

After what feels like a lifetime, we cross the bridge leading to the memorial, and Prime walks up to the electric field the Enclave put up.

"Obstruction detected. Composition: Titanium alloy supplemented by photonic resonance barrier. Probability of mission hindrance: zero percent." The behemoth of a robot marches over to the field and grabs onto the barriers.

"Get back!" one of the Pride yells, and we all retreat as Prime releases an energy surge, effectively overloading the barrier. The robot staggers, but gets to his feet and marches through the cleared path.

We race after him, and are standing just outside the memorial entrance moments later.

"Pride, on me," Sarah says. "We're going in and securing the memorial." Her eyes flick to me. "You and I are going into the control room once we've locked it down. Roger?"

I nod, slightly out of breath.

"When this is over, everyone's getting a cold glass of water on me!" Sarah gives the members of the Pride a smile, then moves over to the door and kicks it in. I wonder briefly if she just did it for some sort of morale boost, but I don't have time to dwell on it before plasma shots start coming through the doorway.

The fighting in close quarters is a change from what I've gotten used to, and the battle down the hallways is very reminiscent of the first time I'd entered the memorial to clear out the Super Mutants. Granted, it's a sick sort of nostalgia, and I push it away in favor of keeping focused and getting through the battle alive.

The Pride clears out the main floor of the memorial, and Sarah sends two of the team to the basement. We wait for a few minutes until we get an "all clear" from them, and then Sarah nods to the rotunda doors. She heads for one, and I move to the other. On her signal, we burst in through them, ending up on opposite sides of the room.

Two more Enclave soldiers run at us, one armed with a Flamer. I put a hole in his fuel tank and render his weapon useless before he has the chance to do any real damage. As luck would have it, the fuel tank explodes.

The soldier is flung into a wall, his leg going in the other direction. He's screaming already, and the shots I fire are out of pity.

Across the room from me, Sarah's taken out the other soldier, and we grin at each other a little before someone clears their throat.

I turn first and am sickened to see Colonel Autumn standing there calmly, hands clasped behind his back. He puts a seedy smile on before addressing me. "We meet again."

"It's over, Autumn," Sarah snarls from behind me. "You lost."

The Enclave officer's steely gaze cuts through me like a knife. "I think not. The Enclave is at the height of its power!"

"Raven Rock is gone. Eden blew it up," I inform the officer, though I have a feeling he already knows.

"Eden was just a stepping stone," Autumn says, blowing off his predecessor's death. "Our future as America must be secured, and I will not let you stand in my way and destroy everything I've been working toward."

Sarah scowls at him and I see her hands tighten around her rifle.

"It's **over**," I repeat. "Your army is gone. It's just you versus the rest of the world. Do youreally think you can control that?"

The colonel tuts cockily, obviously trying to get under my skin. "Such arrogance! I would have thought your father would have raised you better."

I stiffen at the mention of my dad. "You're walking a very fine line, Autumn. You're surrounded by the Brotherhood of Steel and no one is left to defend you. You can either fight this useless battle and lose anyway, or you can give up and I could let you go."

A laugh escapes him, almost taunting me. "You would be a fool!"

"He'd resurrect the Enclave," Sarah interjects, a warning note in her voice.

"I know." I realize I'm probably going to hate myself for this, but I can't pass it up. My hand goes to my pistol and I pull it out and level it at Colonel Autumn. "This is for my dad, you son of a bitch."

There's an infuriating coolness in his eyes, and I pull the trigger.

His body jerks and he falls over backward. The gunshot echoes around the rotunda, and I close my eyes. I wait on the relief I'm supposed to feel having avenged my father, but I just feel sick instead.

Sarah grabs my shoulder and turns me around. "You got him."

I nod once, afraid that I'll throw up if I move too much.

There's a burst of static and Dr. Li's voice fills the room. "Hello? Is anyone there?" There's a frantic tone to her voice and Sarah and I scramble up the ramp to the intercom, everything else fading into the background.

"We're here," I reply, the man on the floor below forgotten. "Me and Sarah. What's wrong?"

There's a few moment's pause before she answers. "I don't know. Maybe the Enclave did something." She lets out a nervous huff of air into the microphone and I can picture her biting her lip anxiously.

I'm about to prompt her to continue, because I'm sensing that something's going terribly wrong, but before I can say anything, she sighs again and continues to speak.

"Something's gone wrong with the purifier. According to my sensors, there's too much pressure building up in the tank."

Everything goes oddly quiet in my head as the thought sinks in.

"What do we need to do?" Sarah asks, giving me an unreadable look.

"There's not enough time to get a team over there. One of you... One of you needs to activate the purifier. But... oh God, the radiation it'll put off..."

"Got any Rad-x?" Sarah jokes weakly, barely managing a grimace at me.

"That won't be enough," Dr. Li cuts in. "I'm afraid... I'm afraid whoever goes in won't come out. We don't have much time. I'm sorry, but one of you has to go **now**."

I look at Sarah and notice how pale she is. Judging by the lightheadedness I'm feeling, I know I probably look the same.

"If I'm reading this right, we have less than two minutes until the purifier blows. Get that thing activated!"

Sarah and I exchange a helpless gaze as Dr. Li reads off a few of her scans and sounds even more frantic than ever.

"I guess there's been a change of plans." The blonde woman exhales, glancing at the purifier resignedly. She takes off her dog tags and offers them to me. "It's been a pleasure serving with you."

I gape at her for a second, all but throwing the tags back at her. "What the hell, Lyons?"

She lifts her chin defiantly. "I'm going in."

"Bullshit." Thinking about my companion sacrificing herself makes my chest constrict. This project has been my family's responsibility since its inception; it doesn't feel right to have anyone else die for it. "I'll do it." The voice doesn't even sound like mine, but the sharp look Sarah gives me tells me it was.

"That's a death sentence!" she retorts. "You may be a scrappy wastelander with a lucky streak, but-"

"But nothing. I'm doing it." I'm surprised by how calm I sound. I move toward the airlock doors in a trance, but my companion grabs my arm and jerks me around.

"You've got your girlfriend," Sarah snaps, all but snarling at me.

"Yeah, and you've got the Pride. This is **my** thing, Lyons. My family dreamt it up, and I have to be the one to finish it." My voice shakes a little as I'm reminded of Amata and the promise I made to her. I want to go back to her and forget all of this is happening. It would be so easy to just walk away...

Even knowing what this will cost me, I can't walk away. I can't get my feet to move, and I feel like I'm supposed to be here.

"What's going on?" Dr. Li yells through the intercom. "The readings I'm getting say you have thirty seconds until the purifier blows!"

Thirty seconds. That's all the time I have left in the world. I can't quite remember how to breathe, but I glance at the airlock slowly, almost expecting someone else to be there. The empty control room startles me into reality. I have to sacrifice myself to save everyone else in the wastes. This is how it ends.

"Sarah." My voice sounds strangled, even to me. "Tell her."

Sarah knows immediately what I mean and gives me a speechless nod.

I hesitate outside the airlock, time seeming to slow down as I'm bombarded with emotions. I can almost feel my dad's pride in me, and a memory of him smiling at me flashes before my eyes. I wonder how Amata will react, especially after everything that's just happened between us. A lump comes to my throat and I push her from my mind, giving Sarah a grim smile.

She looks at a loss for words, but gives me a salute. I know that, coming from her, that's about the most respectful gesture she could ever make.

I want to make some comment telling her to "enjoy the water" but I can't quite make myself form the words. Instead, I just step forward into the airlock and cycle the doors.

The purifier is groaning and creaking, and I can make out the cloudy silhouette of the statue inside it. I walk over to the console, staring down at the numbered buttons. My mind goes blank as I try to remember the code. _Revelation 21:6,_my dad's voice echoes. _That was the key to the whole project._

With a shaking hand, I reach out and type in the chapter and verse numbers, my hand hovering over the submit button. Part of me is still desperate not to have any part in this project anymore, to go home and live the rest of my days in peace with Amata, but I can still hear Doctor Li screaming through the intercom, and I know it's do or die.

I press the button, and with a loud roar, the purifier comes to life. There's a blinding, blue flash of light and a blast of heat sends me staggering to the wall.

_There you go, Dad,_ I think with a grim smile. _It's done._ There's an enormous pressure weighing me down, and I allow myself to crumple to the floor without even really realizing it. My heartbeat is thudding in my ears, and the world seems to be fading away. All the pain and noises stop, and I'm left feeling like I'm floating. Amata appears before me, a smile on her face as she opens her arms to me.

I can't help but smile back, moving toward the image of her and letting her take me away.

* * *

AN: That's the end, yes. I liked the openness of it. Thanks for reading!

**Also, keep your eyes peeled come Saturday for an epilogue!**

To my American readers: Have a happy and safe Thanksgiving!


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